Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

All done!  We are back in Muir of Ord for our final gig before heading home tomorrow.  We managed to slip away from Helmsdale without any further contact with Mrs 2 Rooms, for an easy 62 mile final ride.  Fearing I would slow people down I set off a bit early and was in the hotel with a pint by 1:30.  Neil followed shortly but the rest didn't show up until 5pm.....no idea where they got to. So it's time to break up the band (disband the band?).   You will probably wonder what their future holds: David will return to his day job, skimming the profits from the pension funds of hard-working songwriters. Nick will continue to cycle most days....so no change there. Stuart will hopefully continue to ride; he has the potential to be a very strong cyclist and he now has the base fitness to realise that potential. Michael will probably buy a new bell and then sit back assuming that this has addressed any shortfalls in his cycling performance. John w

Liquor Store Blues An essential part of our support kit is a small electric cooler which ensures that when we arrive each afternoon there is a cold and affordable libation waiting for us (a pub in Ullapool wanted seven quid for a pint!!).  Stocks were running low so before leaving Thurso I popped to Lidl for a resupply.  I soon discovered that shops in Scotland are not allowed to sell alcohol until 10am.  What?  WHAT?? So getting shitfaced at 10am is fine but if you want to get shitfaced at 9am you have to stock up the day before? I went back to the hotel and waited an hour. Go Your Own Way With 3 route options of differing lengths our group was spread thin today.  Naturally I took the shortest route and managed to get to Helmsdale just after 1:30.  The others arrived over the following 4 hours.  My ride was just 42 miles and was blessed with a tailwind for much of the way and I still found it surprisingly hard work.  I think I may have to go and see

I wrote this last night then managed to delete it and really couldn't be bothered to start all over again but Plum insists. Firstly.....a big thank you for the outpouring of love, sympathy and support as I battle my cycling demons.  It certainly gave my self-esteem a boost to read all those supportive comments.  Thanks also to the spelling Nazi who took me to task for spelling 'ailing' incorrectly.  You guys are the best. Yesterday was never going to be easy at 91 hilly miles but strong headwinds and rain turned it into a real ball-breaker.  Not for me obviously; I was in in my new home-from-home (the van).  They plugged away, their heads hung low and an occasional tear dripping onto their garmins but it wasn't pretty.  The last of the band rolled in at about 7:15 looking less than happy and we delivered a very short set comprising classic covers of I Can't Stand The Rain, Nobody Said It Was Easy and I F*&@ing Hate Cycling. Up until yes

As some readers will know, Plum is no longer Chard's most eligible bachelor.  The lovely Julia has taken on the job that Social Services would otherwise have to do....making sure he changes his pants once a week whether they need it or not and loading routes onto his Garmin.  We are all very grateful to Julia, especially Chards most eligible bachelorettes who can get back on the dating scene now Plum is safely off the market. As we were starting our trip Julia fell, dislocated her foot and broke her Tibia so she is probably missing Plum more than usual. She has insisted that the show should go on so thanks for being such a trooper. Today was another with a shortcut that promised to turn a very hard day into something more manageable.  Some of our group took the high road and others took the low but I had a more cunning idea.....get in the van.  Whatever is ailing me, long covid or acute spinelessness, reached the point where pushing the pedals just w

I'm So Tired Have you ever seen photos of troops heading back from the front?  They have a stooped posture, a blank expression and the 'thousand yard stare'.  Our last 4 riders arrived at the hotel yesterday at 6:30 looking exactly like that.  Our drummer was so bolloxed that he asked for lighter drumsticks and our keyboard player could barely pick out 'chopsticks' with 1 finger. I had been drinking beer for 4 hours when they turned up and, with hindsight, may not have been as caring and supportive as I could have been. Follow You Follow Me When cycling in company there is a convention that each rider takes their turn at the front, creating an area of calm air for those riding behind.  Actually, it is more of a law.  Sadly, some (ok ONE) of our group hasn't seen the memo.   At the moment this is just causing silent festering resentment but watch this space. The Wind It kind of goes without saying since I haven&

Last night the bar of the Locharron Hotel was full of locals willing Switzerland to stick it to the sassenachs.  It was good to spend time with like-minded people. OK....confession time.  A few weeks ago I had a mild bout of Covid which has left me with some of the symptoms of Long Covid: I am permanently tired and quickly get short of breath when exerting.  As a consequence I need to avoid the big climbs and high mileages that some days entail.  This is all a bit embarrassing, and my co-riders are quite rightly teasing me (it's actually more like bullying  #metoo) about the smallness of my testicles and general lack of moral fibre. Today starts with an enormous hill, so enormous that it genuinely features in a book of the UK's toughest climbs.  I went round it.  By cutting across the base of the lump of land that runs out to Applecross I was able to shave 3500ft and many miles off the day.  So, while everyone else

If ever you are in the Inverness area on a Friday and looking for a lively night you could do a lot worse than avoid Muir of Ord.  Our hotel, the only pub, wasn't serving food so we walked into town where it appeared that Steven Spielberg had just finished filming some sort of post-apocalypse movie: nothing open, nobody on the streets and the odd bit of tumbleweed blowing along the pavement.  Even the fish and chip shop couldn't be arsed to open...on a FRIDAY NIGHT!  We managed to find a take-away offering a rather odd choice of kebabs and curries (served in pizza boxes for added novelty) and purchased some food which made up for in calories what it lacked in food-hygiene standards.   I recall a meeting where a few of my co-riders and I met to kick around ideas for a group ride.  We considered all sort of destinations....mostly in those parts of Europe where the weather isn't consistently shite.  I'm ashamed to say that I think it was I that th

  After an 18 month separation Plum and I are reforming the band for another tour.  The two of us, plus 6 others, are heading up to Scotlandshire for another crack at the North Cost 500.  I should probably introduce the full line-up:   Lead Singer - David.  David is the young(er) pretty one.....brother of John.  David also happens to be my Financial Adviser and is funding this trip (plus a yacht and a cocaine habit) out of what he makes from my account.   Lead Guitar - Nick.  Friend for 50 years.  At school Nick was a keen cyclist and consequently, quite rightly, bullied.  Nick has forgotten more about cycling than I will ever know.   Bass Guitar - Stuart.  Stuart and I worked together for many years; he has powerful legs and can push out big watts while looking like he is coasting.  I hate Stuart.   Keyboards - Michael.  Michael is also younger but not pretty.  Michael believes that upgrading cycle compone