Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

We are back in Brisbane.  For our last two days we have had relatively short rides, though with very high temperatures and humidity.  Yesterday we had to return over some alarmingly lumpy terrain with, it turned out, significantly steeper climbs than we had enjoyed going north.  The worst one peaked at well over 20 percent, which is within a cats whisker of walking territory for me these days.  Anyway, we were big brave boys and made it to Landsborough where we celebrated with a curry. Today we did the 52 miles back into town.....flat and with some nice coastal cycle paths but still hotter than a hot thing.  We had an exciting diversion to have 'a bit of a chat' with a twat who thought buzzing us with his horn blasting was a good laugh.  He now knows some new words that should help him greatly with his future swearing at cyclists. We were all done by 1pm and the threw the bikes in the room so we could pop to the  bar to rehydrate.  Unfortunately Australia's

As with most countries that we cycle in, people usually give us a fair share of the road and treat us with respect.  Unfortunately Australia has more than its fair share of wankers......who like to buzz past us closer than is necessary and/or yell obscenities as they scream past.  Last night, as we cycled into town, some pissed-up cretins in hi-viz yelled 'get off the road morons' from the shade of the pub verandah.  I suspect that these enlightened modern Australians are exactly who the geezer with his Make Australia Great posters is aiming at. We are now half way back to Brisbane and the weather has gone into overdrive.  The high today was 44.8 degrees C  (a personal 'best') with clear blue skies and we are starting to long for a few metres of rain.  While we waited for a  couple of beers to chill in the freezer we had a wallow in the pool and we are now on the veranda listening to the trucks engage a nice low gear for the hill.  This is very loud and the

My argument for cycle touring is that I like to visit far away places but can't just sit by a pool doing nothing.  Of course, the truth is that sitting by a pool doing nothing is absolutely lovely!!  I did lots of it yesterday and am back again for some more today. This morning we did saddle up the horses and take a 30 mile run out to the coast.  We visited Eliott Heads, a very pretty headland where they will be hosting a major kite surfing competition  this weekend.  It was a  bit of a slog into a headwind to get there but we blasted home at warp factor 8.  By 1pm we were back and digging out the Speedos All we have to do now is drink some beer and decide what type of dead animal to throw on the bbq this evening.  Tomorrow we turn south and start riding back to Brisbane.

The beauty of having abandoned our ride from Cairns to Brisbane is that we are no longer bound by any obligation to hit daily mileage targets.  Yesterday, during our hot, harsh ride from Gympie to Bundaberg we had a brainwave.  Rather then getting up next morning for another 60 miles, then turning around and riding a further 60 miles back to Bundaberg, we could just stay put and have 2 days off.  So that is what we are doing. Last night we hit the Korean Buffet; much like a Chinese Buffet but doggier.  When we went to pay, the girl took one look at us and immediately oferred us the 'seniors' discount.. I started to get indignant but, hey, $5 is $5. Today we were tempted to take an excursion out to the southern Great Barrier Reef but the  boat was full and this has turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it is very windy.  Instead we got up late, cleaned our chains and wasted time sitting by the pool.  There is a gas bbq beside the pool so that is tonight's d

Australia has a business 'tycoon' called Clive Palmer who has paid for huge billboards all over the place.  He has two catchy and unique slogans: 'Australia First' and 'Make Australia Great Again'.  I have a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that he is copying someone. Today we have been riding Highway 1 (The Bruce Highway).  As is generally the case when riding the Ozzie coast, it is the ONLY road.  We know for a fact that Australians are capable of laying superb tarmac, we have enjoyed it elsewhere and even here there is the odd bit of creamy smooth blacktop but the rest is HORRIBLE.  They use the 'coat the road with tar then press in some granite chippings' technique.  No doubt it is grippy and hard wearing but it is soooooo harsh for cyclists.  We did 70 miles which doesn't sound too bad but the harsh roads and high temperatures (we snuck into the 40s) meant we were very glad to reach the Burrum River Caravan Park where our she

I appreciate that everyone is sick of hearing about our escape from Townsville but just one postscript: My wife just sent me a message to say that Townsville has finally made the UK news.....because there are crocs roaming the streets!!!! Today we rode from Landsborough to Gympie and it was lumpier than my mother's gravy.  Or rather the 1st half was.  We even had a 15 percenter which got me sweating and swearing.  The 2nd half was on the old Bruce Highway (the main highway until the motorway was built) which was smooth quiet and very lovely. Gympie is.......well....how shall I put this?  It's a bit of a dump.  It has some splendid buildings from a gold rush in the 1800s but appears to have been slowly dying ever since.  No matter, we have found the local RSL (a bit like the British Legion) and have ordered hot dead cow (last night's bbq never happened because the supermarket had no cow).  There is a bit of paperwork to get signed in and there are lots of rul

Our hopes of a fresh start in Brisbane took a bit of a knock this morning.  We awoke to blue skies but, by the time our bikes were assembled, it was pissing down.  We kept our nerve and waited it out and, by 10:30, the rain had stopped and we set out in reasonable weather. In due course it got positively toasty and we have seen plenty of blue sky off and on.  The ride north out of Brisbane uses a mix of quiet roads and some bike trails.....nice riding but very fiddly and progress was slow.  We are staying in Landsborough, just a couple of miles up the road from The Australian Zoo (owned by the wife of the late Steve Erwin - crocodile hunter and grade 1 nut job). We have a cabin (shed) on a holiday park with access to a nice gas bbq so we will pop out shortly and buy a cow.  Meanwhile there is this nonsense to write and some rehydration to take care of.  It is possible that future reports can devote more time to the Australian way of life and less to the sodding weather

It rained heavily throughout last night and is still hurling it down.   The TV news reports are saying that conditions are now very severe but also that 'the worst is yet to come'.  One cheerful reporter was saying that some areas could get TWO metres more rain over the weekend.  I am up for a bit of an adventure but bollocks to that! More in hope than expectation we called the little regional airport and, bugger me, it was open and there was a flight leaving for Brisbane in the afternoon.  So, we fled.  As we were entering airport, the arrivals section was awash with incoming emergency response and tv crews, collecting their gear ready to join the fray.  We are now safely in Brisbane and sorting out how to salvage something of the trip.  This is further complicated by the fact that my father passed away a few days ago and I must return to the UK two days early to attend the funeral.  So, our plan is to ride 5 days up the coast from Brisbane, then turn round and

It's all a bit odd.  We had received dire warnigs about the weather in Townsville but set out anyway.  For 55 miles we 'enjoyed' the odd shower but nothing to get excited about, then stopped at a gas station for lunch.  The heavens opened.  We weren't too bothered until a lady from the Red Cross came over to explain that she was working on setting up evacuation centres in Townsville.  She seemed genuinely worried about us cycling 15 miles into town (though not worried enough to offer us a lift!!).  We headed on anyway but with a tinge of trepidation . It WAS pissing down and the flood waters either side of the road were rising noticeably but we made it through fine and headed to our hotel where there was no sign of any sort of emergency.  Then we put the TV on.  Townsville is headline news!  It seems that parts of the town are under water and people are being rescued by inflateable boats.  The current weather is a 'one year in a hundred' event....yes