Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

In The Middle of The Night At our campsite in Abbeville we had carefully chosen the perfect pitch (technical term for a piece of grass).  It was next to a bench and handy for the washrooms.......just the job. What we didn't know was that it was also slap next to the meeting place for all the local herberts.  It all kicked off after we turned in at about 10pm and it was gone 1:30 before they finally followed our loudly expressed advice to shut the f@#k up.  Why Does It Always Rain on Me? No sooner had the hoons gone to bed than the thunderstorm started.  It absolutely hurled it down all night.  For most of this time I lay smugly thinking about how fantasticly waterproof my new tent was.....until I discovered that my open bar bag was only half covered by it.  In the morning I removed several inches of water, a very soggy wallet and passport and several items of landfill that had previously been electronics.  Bugger. The ride to Gisors was pretty pants.  Cool with s

In France it seems to be the thing to do to drive a 'Petite Voiture a Craie' (small crappy car). The Renault Clio seems to be the benchmark for size, though every car company seems to market an SCC. It should ideally be silver, with white as a poor second best, and needs to confirm to other rules that I am still getting to grips with. Certainly it should be covered in dust and have dents to many body panels. Inside it should be festooned with empty water bottles, discarded Galloise packets and a good scattering of pain crumbs. In many village centres SCCs account for about 75% of all vehicles. Today was a bit like Kent.....hilly and hot.......but with more small crappy cars and less head tattoos. We were on the road just after 8am and finished at our campsite at around 4pm, with 35 degrees C on the thermometer and 82 miles on the clock. Camping is completely pants but, at 12.6 euroes for the two of us, at least it is cheap pants. We intend to spend the saving on steaks the

Kent is stupid.  They have taken a perfectly good county, with lovely farmland and green countryside, and completely runied it by building hills all over the place.  As for the Kent Downs....don't even get me started. Yes, it was hillly!   A combination of the hills, the heat, sub-optimal fitness and a problem with my gears made it a testing day but we prevailed and even managed to catch an early boat.  We are now in Calais and have purchased some tasty fermented beverages, fixed my gears, washed everything and are planning our assault on the Campanile starters buffet.  If you have any shares in Campanile now would be a good time to sell. PS Led Zepplin but I'm not going to spoon feed you POS Rochester castle in the unlikely event that you give a stuff

The idea of starting and ending our trip at my front door appeals and so the first part of our ride is down to Dover. During many months of planning the intention was to start on Monday morning and use the Tilbury pedestrian ferry to get us across the Thames. Then I realised that Monday is a bank holiday and the ferry doesn't run. The alternative route via the Grenwich pedestrian tunnel is a good deal further and necessitates a Sunday afternoon start. So, after a nourishing Sunday lunch and a game of croquet (Pretentious? Moi?) we donned our lycra skimpies and set off. With full camping kit the bikes are a tad heavy and the first hill was a bit of a shock but we were soon in the groove. The Grenwich tunnel is a great way to cross the river and on the far side there is an excellent cycle path following the Thames out towards the sea. We are overnighting in the Dartford Travelodge and tomorrow it is bicycles at dawn for the ride down to Dover and a ferry to Cheeseland. PS

Although I have had a year filled with cycling, much of it has been 'repeats' and not deemed worthy of a blog.  On Sunday it is time for me to start this year's big trip....and for you to endure a more or less daily blog entry. Earlier in the year I researched a new Bike Adventures route from Paris to Prague then on to Berlin - a splendid trip, but just not quite epic enough for my main annual adventure.  The solution is to incorporate this into a 2100 mile 'grand tour' of Europe. Starting from my home we will cycle to Dover and cross to Calais then on to Paris.  We then follow the BA route to Berlin via Prague before returning via Rotterdam and Bruges to Calais and then back to my home.  I will be accompanied by Neil (aka Plum) which will ensure I get a good work out of the legs during the days and the right arm during the evenings.  We plan to camp whenever weather permits and find cheap hotels when it doesn't.  So, if you are French, German,