Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

The first song is pretty inspired!  It is Saturday AND....drum roll...we drove in a tree!  But more of this later.  Firstly it seems the Bulgarian Massive are firmly behind us now with a total of 10 hits.  Thank you Bulgaria, we love you. A few more words about last night.  The Redgate Villas motel is a simple 8 room place in Leggett, CA (population 122).  It is run by Mike who looks just like Mikey from American Chopper and possibly IS Mikey.  A very nice guy who handed over his garden, gas barbeque and most of his crockery so we could cook dead animals and feed the troops.  When I arrived he was busy giving away his profit on the night by sharing his malt whiskey collection with the punters.  This was much appreciated by the punters for obvious reasons, and by me because anything tastes ok after a few malt whiskies. Our campsite was almost as good....run by Billy - a Mancunian who left England 22 years ago when her husband died of a cold (you see...man flu IS serious).  She had p

Today the sun had a really very big hat on indeed.  LM2 indicated 94 degrees F at about 3 o'clock and everyone found the very short day suprisingly tough.  We are slowly putting those bleedin Redwoods behind us but they have a last hurrah as we are staying in Leggett - site of the drive through tree: Tomorrow I will take LM2 and see if it fits through.  Alan is doubtfull but I reckon that the trick is to take a good run at it and go through FAST. They really are quite big these Redwoods.  Our campsite is, again, in the forest and the following picture is of just an ordinary tree of which there are countless thousands.  To take it I had to lay on my back on the forest floor and I am still picking bits of twig out of my pants. Today our campsite has a pool and I had time for a quick dip while Alan was slogging up a long hill in the heat....titter.  Once again the motellers are in the middle of nowhere so we laid on a barbeque.  Everyone seemed to enjoy it except the c

The Tony christie song......no not THAT one, the other one. Today I spent the morning chasing around after a bike that kept puncturing but eventually we swapped the tire and it started to behave.  We are now in the Avenue of the Giants so guess what?  yup, more bloody Redwoods,  though impressively fat tall redwoods and the riding has been very lovely.     The plan was for us to camp in the grounds of the motel where the others were staying but thanks to Tanya at the Redcrest Resort (who decided to ignore our tent booking and dig up the campground) we are staying in Burlington Campground '4' miles further on.  This is a Tanya 4 miles so actually 8.1.  THANKS Tanya! Having pitched out tents we then returned 8.1 miles to sit on the porch, eat pizza, drink bear and talk b******s while the sun set.   We are away from the coast and temperatures are now a toasty mid-80's and full sun, though there is plenty of shade in the sodding redwoods. In a qu

I expect you have missed us!  A lack of phone or wiffy signal and general busyness have prevented reports for a while but today we are wired for sound.  This is the entry for Wednesday 26th and a big welcome to our overseas readears.....yes, GOMOB has gone global - here are the stats for the last month:   A particularly big welcome to our Costa Rican reader!!  And maybe I'll use a Bulgarian song title some time soon.  Possibly even a whole day written Bulgarian as, having leant Italian on last years trip, new languages just get easier and easier.   Redwoods - that pretty sums up our day.  Lots and LOTS of Redwoods.  Oh yes, and mist.  Nearly as much mist as Redwoods.  Here is Alan sitting down....inevitably there is a Redwood in the picture. The riding has been very pretty in a misty redwoody kind of way and we finished the day in Trinidad (the one in California NOT the one next to And Tobago).You know the kind of RV parks that are dingly and geared up for passing

Tuesday and we have passed into California.  This means we have done 2/3 of the states but only 1/3 of the miles.  The riding today has been exceptionally pretty with the ocean a few feet to our right for much of the time.  We are now in  Cresent City, or rather in a KOA 5 miles north and camped in the middle of the redwood forest.  The realy BIG redwoods are still 2 days south but we are, none the less, sleeping at the base of chuffing big trees.  Tonight we went into town for tastly foodstuffs and had a meal around the camp fire and I am writing this by the power of KOA wiffy.  The whole group is now pretty independant; I drop the bags at their hotel around 2:30 and meet them here next morning but the late afternoons and evenings are pretty much my own.  Not that I do anything very productive with the down time - I should really take up knitting.  Steve

Our rest day was very welcome and we ended it in the nearby bar were Alan had watched Merican football all afternoon.  Monday dawned with clear blue skies and it was a lovely day's riding, amongst the most scenic so far.  We are now always very close to the Specific and at times there are cooling sea mists but the sun frequently burns through and we enjoy temperatures in thge 70's.  As you might expect there are always dinosaurs about (bet you weren't expecting THAT!).  On our rest day we discovered a baby dinosaur called Dino who has become our official mascot: I took this picture to make him look really big but with a sophistacted readership like you there is no point pretending - he is really only about 6 feet long.  His daddy on the other hand is really REALLY big: We are staying in the middle of nowhere - a small 8 room cabin style motel with a campground in front:     Very basic but clean and rather good fun.  For dinner we went 12 miles back up t

The Moody Blues one, not all that Enya or Robbie Williams crap. It is our rest day and very little has been done. After a leisurely get up we had a brief trip to the beach and yours truely had a dip in the Specific (as we now call it). Anything that could shrivel or retreat into a body cavity did so - the rest just went blue.   We have a virtually private beach  and our very own secret passage to it from our pitch: very dingly. Laundry has also been done and is now draped around the camp drying.  Unfortunately our pitch is very shady and we have to utilise bushes, the bonnet of LM2 and anything else that happens to briefly face the sun.  I got a bit carried away with laundry and washed my only shoes so we then had a barefoot drive into town to buy some flip-flips.  The rest of the day has been frittered away with cleaning out LM2, catching up on paperwork and a bit of reading. The weather has been perfect with clear skies and highs of about 70 but the moment you get

Today is something of a 'no news' day - no transvestites, no disasters with the car, no shoe-related conflagrations. But the riding was STUNNING. The mist/cloud has finally gone and the view from my tent flap as the sun rose looked something like this.     Actually it looked EXACTLY like that because that is where I took the picture from.  The scenerary has been specacular as we hug the coast past endless sandy beaches and sand dunes and everyone has got a real lift. We are now in Coos Bay - a nice counter-balance to the splendours of the day as it is a typically grotty Merican industrial town.  This is the location for our first rest day and chosen because it is an 'all services' location in contract to the small holiday resorts we mostly pass through.   Today I am stealing Interweb from the Super 8 Motel, though as I have kjust given them the best part of $1000 for the guest's rooms it won't trouble my sleep too much. Steve PS In cas

I have been promising people whales on this trip and, thank goodness, today I was able to deliver. A little south of Lincoln City there is a bay which claims to be the Whale watching capital of the galaxy (don't you love Mericans?) And we stopped for a look see. They were some way off shore but we definitely saw backs, tails and the odd water spout so we can put that down as a definite whale sighting. Alan says they might be Minkies but I'm pretty sure they were whales. We also saw Pelicants (like Pelicans but less helpful) and Seals. It was another misty day but very scenic riding and, with only 51 miles to do, everyone finished nice and early. You may notice that I have added photies for the last couple of days - this was achieved by driving down Highway 101 and stopping every few miles to check for unsecured wiffy signals. After about 5 goes I found one and sat at the roadside uploading piccies. The only other excitement for the day was when I left LM2 in d

We had a jolly evening by the fire with enormous pizzas and good beer and it made a nice change from dashing around in LM2 ferrying people to restaurants. Unfortunately, an evening of running the cooler, powering electrical devices and forgetting to turn off all unnecessary car electrics resulted in a flat battery this morning. Bugger. Fortunately we were rescued by the least feminine transvestite I have ever seen. He...She was camping two pitches down from us and wearing a very fetching outfit with pumps, tights a little black dress and blonde wig. The effect was rather spoiled by him being about my height and built like a brick s**thouse with shovels for hands. Oh yes, and a very deep voice and stubble. Still she had jump cables and a van so we weren't going to complain. I have now purchased jump cables as I don't feel that relying on there being a handy tranny nearby is a viable long-term strategy. The route today has been very pretty though many of the

Ilwaco continued to underwhelm us this morning when the only diner in town was closed for breakfast because the owner had decided to go fishing. We found a place doing coffee and pastries etc. but hot dead pig and long stacks of pancakes were nowhere to be seen. It has been another dull day, less misty but with lots of cloud and in these conditions the temperatures languish in the high 50's and low 60's which is useless for my tan. Around mid-morning we crossed the 4 mile bridge from Washington State into Astoria, Oregon - a rather hairy ride but everybody made it alive. We are now properly following the Pacific Coast Highway and we had stunning views of the Pacific from the hill along which Highway 101 runs. Hills mean...well...errr...hills, so there was plenty of work to be done in the afternoon. We are staying in Garibaldi but so far I haven't found a single shop that stocks the biscuits which is rather disappointing. Our campsite, on the other hand, is

Hi, me again. This is the report for Tuesday 18th, but filed late because there was far too much searching for lost people and general buggering about yesterday. So Puff The Magic Dragon? We spent much of the day frolicking in the Autumn mist. After several days of glorious sunshine we were shrouded for much of the day in sea fog - a common occurrence in these parts but a bloody nuisance nevertheless. Our route followed the coast around Willapa Bay through Raymond (a one horse town where the horse has long since been made into glue) and then along the mud flats to Ilwaco. It seems the Bates family are expanding and now have quite a chain of motels, all equally charming.   We had a rider with sore knees and another with a shredded tyre, both at the back, who then vanished off the face of the earth. I spent happy hours driving up and down looking for them only to find that they had taken their own route and were back at the motel. Bugger. Ilwaco proved to be gastr

This is a clever one! Or at least I think so. This morning I spoke sternly to the people who provided my US sim card and after much hanging on the telephone I finally got it sorted so I am connected to the outside world. AND......drum roll......we had breakfast at Blondie's. See? Brilliant!!! The love machine went back this morning and was replaced with a Chrysler Town and Country. On closer inspection this turns out to be a Grand Caravan with Chrysler badges so the love machine is back! Although this one is black and looks more like a hearse - it may take a bit more effort to get girls into the back of this one. Another day of glorious sunshine and the group have been riding west to finally reach the actual Pacific coast and we are in Westport - a fishing town. The hotelers are in the Bates motel (it has a different name but I'm pretty sure it is the same place) and we are in Twin Harbors state park - very nice. We have no whiffy so I am posting this via

This morning we were greeted by a glorious dawn and we have had clear skies, a gentle tail wind and high seventies all day. We have started heading south, with the Hood Canal on our left and the Olympic mountains on our right. The route is much prettier than I feared and the traffic, though busy, is not unpleasant. Everyone seemed to enjoy the ride and the small sections I managed to ride were very pleasant indeed. After dropping off the bags at the motel I headed for the Mason County Fairground where we were to camp. Picture in your mind the fairground from any episode of Scooby Doo and you would be spot on..... BUT the place was completely closed. Bugger (this is a word that is proving pretty handy on this trip - I hope I packed enough of them). I have no idea what happened and can't contact anyone to ask. The motel was full but I found another with rooms and that is where we will spend the night. It is actually rather fabulous - a real old fashioned 1950'

This is the entry for saturday, delayed because I was busy as a bee on a peak nectar collecting day. The wheels on the bus were, indeed, going round and round as I collected people in Seattle and drove them 100 miles to Port Townsend. In order to avoid 3 trips we packed the love machine to capacity - if you ever wondered exactly what you can get in a Dodge Grand Caravan the answer is: 7 people and their luggage 4 bikes everything needed to support a 1 month trip and an electric cooler full of beer...I mean isotonic drinks. The wheels went round and round rather slowly on the hills. We got everyone delivered by 8 pm then played the 'putting the tents up in the dark' game. It is a marginally worse game than cricket as we didn't get a break for tea. At this point I discovered that one of the wheels on the bus had gone round over a big screw and was going pss pssss pssssss. Bugger. The leak is slow but we have a long way go so I phoned Avis to ask what

I am beginning to wish I had chosen movie titles rather than songs.  Sleepless in Seattle would have been perfect for last night - probably about 3 hours sleep in total with bouts of bike unpacking and luggage reorganising in between. Today I have been mostly shopping.  There were several things that I needed but which were best sourced in Merica: 1/  A Merican satnav.  I already hate her nasal whining tones. 2/  A rather cunning electric cooler that plugs into a car cigarette lighter and keeps stuff (ok...beer) cold.  It is gratifyingly huge, to the point that we MAY be able to squeeze in sime milk and butter along with the 'essentials'.  3/  A bike rack that straps to the back of the love machine.  This is pleasingly fuel inefficient. Items 2 and 3 are too big to transport home so will be thrown away at the end of the trip.  This is so Merican that my patriotism will probably be rewarded with a Congressional Medal of Honor.  I have also driven the 100 miles to Por

Some of you may remember that I once quite liked a bit of Leo Sayer......not something I'm proud of but I am now mature enough to admit it. Actually the flight wasn't that endless but 10 hours is still a long time to sit in an alooooominum tube, even if you are eating swan.  Guess what?  Fogey Babes (as Ben likes to be called) was sitting just across the aisle and we are now the firmest of friends.  I expect he will ask me to be godfather to his next sprog and we have worked up a plan to travel the length of the Amazon in a dustbin full of Piranhas.  The great news is that the calluses on his arse from rowing the atlantic are looking MUCH better now. Getting through immigration and customs took forever (the former because they are useless and the latter because I had to explain why I was carrying lmost $20,000 in cash and travellers cheques) but we eventually made it to our hire car.   It is a Dodge Grand Caravan - this isn't actually it but we have its idenical t

...well, actually Club World but the drinks are still free so who cares. I have no idea what I did to earn an upgrade but whoopedy doop anyway. As you can see there are worse places to waste 10 hours. I'll probably have swan for lunch then ask the trolley dolly to wash my feet or something. Having got the car to Heathrow Mall 5 (a shopping centre with a few planes) and done all the check-in and security malarky I can now enjoy the lull before the storm. They say that no plan survives first contact with the enemy so no doubt it will all start to go fruit shaped in Seattle. Still for now I'll just enjoy the amenities. Later I might go downstairs and flick olives at the riff-raff. Oh yes, I checked in behind Ben Fogle. Little twerp. Steve ------------------

I will confess to a moment of boredom.  As Alan will know, I am not adverse to an occassioanl tasty fermented beveridge after a long day's cycling.  He will also tell you that my efforts to strap a six pack to an already heavily laden bike are sometimes precarious to say the least.    Wouldn't it be cool, I thought, if you could adapt your bike to properly carry a refreshing libation.    Well of course, there is nothing left to invent as the following photos prove:   .  All of these are very clever of course, but demonstrate the lack of really BIG thinking that always limits mankind's progress to the very frontiers of science.  Now THIS is more like it: Steve PS The author advocates responsible drinking! 

4 days until we leave!  I love a bit of pre-trip planning (almost as much as Alan likes a bit of pre-trip loosing his tent) but this time it has all been a bit of a headache.  As well as Alan and I, we have 13 paying guests - 1 is riding as far as San Fran and 3 are joining in San Fran to ride the last third.  The other 9 are in for the whole trip.  4 of us are camping and the rest are staying in hotels.  The route planning and booking of vehicles, campgrounds, hotels etc has been in progress since January - hopefully the things I have forgotten will be minor and easily remedied in Merica.  As a man who likes to travel light I have a bewildering amount of stuff to take - in addition to this lot there is a bike box crammed with bike, camping gear and assorted other crap. I fly out with the first 3 guests on Thursday while Alan follows on Friday with 4 more.  The rest arrive on Saturday and will have the pleasure of starting a 1650 mile ride with serious jet lag.  We are starting

Some of you may remember that, in 2006, the GOM rode the Pacific Coast Highway from San Francisco to the Mexican border.  This was a very nice trip but, of course, the bar has been set considerably higher in recent years so it is time to go back and do it properly. Sadly I am now saddled (ha ha ha ....saddled....get it?) with the responsibility of running a cycling holiday business ( www.bikeadventures.co.uk ) so this trip will actually be a commercial venture with myself as support and Alan riding sweeper.  I will take my bike and hope to get some riding done too so I thought I would blog the journey anyway.  A group of 12 of us will be starting in Seattle on 15th Sepetember and riding the 1650 miles from Canadian to Mexican borders over a period of 4 weeks.  In order to keep myself out of the courts the identity of the customers will not be revealled and I will be diplomatically vague about their specific exploits.  Alan, on the other hand, enjoys no such protection and you will