Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

HOUND DOG I forgot to mention the airport dog loo.  Having built my bike, I went looking for a loo for changing into my cycling skimpies.  I saw signs for one nearby and headed that way then realised it was a special loo for dogs. I am both curious AND lazy so headed on in.  It was basically a public toilet but, where the stalls would normally go, was a big patch of astro turf and a hose. I wriggled into my cycling shorts but then couldn't resist cocking my leg and watering the grass before I left. BRILLIANT MISTAKE I should probably also update you on the bottle of Port.  Our debate went like this: Are we in Portugal...yes Is Port delicious...yes Is Port in Portugal expensive...No Is Port available for purchase nearby...YES I scuttled off to LIDL to purchase the cheapest bottle of Port in the store.  I returned with the most expensive bottle of Port in the store.  The moral of this...

We plan our trips, as far as is practical, to enjoy decent weather but this is never a given. A bit of rain is to be expected, and nothing to be afraid of, but the forecast for Lisbon was wetter than a wet thing.  Faced with the prospect of finding shelter for building our bikes then 20 miles of sub-aqua cycling to our hotel we resolved to get a taxi. Arriving into Lisbon, there was a noticeable absence of rain so figured we might as well revert to plan A and cycle.  The promised long queues for biographic data capture didn't materialise.  Those cunning Portuguese had found a way round the problem...they didn't bother trying.  As a man who has been preparing his stool sample for several days this was a bit of a disappointment. Finding a good spot to build the bikes is always a challenge and today we came up with a corker.  We hauled the boxes off the oversized baggage belt and built them right there.  This created the tantalizing p...

  In February 2023 Plum and I had our first ever DNF (Did Not Finish).  5 days into a 2 week ride from Lisbon to Valencia we were hit by a freak cold front that promised sub-zero temperatures and a pretty miserable time; so, like the hardened cyclists we are, we got a train to Madrid and flew home with our tails between our legs.   We now find ourselves with the time and inclination to do a bit of cycling so are heading back to Lisbon to put things right.  The weather in early November may still be pants but hopefully just cool or wet rather than 'freezing the balls of a brass monkey'.   This will be our 2nd flight to Lisbon this year, and actually my 4th!,.  The airport there has acquired a reputation for long queues for Brits at passport control.  Now the EU has rolled out Phase 1 of its new electronic travel authorisation programme, which requires people to provide biometric data (photo, fingerprints, stool sample…the u...

Real Gone Kid Having arrived a little late at the start, Nick made up for it by leaving a day early.  There was a tear in my eye as I waved him off...then I realised I could take his bedroom.  This was particularly welcome since Plum's snoring was so bad last night I ended up sleeping on the sofa. Not Fair The Spanish do not appear to have any concept of 'weights and measures'.  In Blighty we have rules about such things and people to enforce them.  If you buy a pint it will contain 20 fluid ounces....or if it doesn't you are required, by law, to make a sarcastic comment to the barman.  Something like "could you fit a scotch in there?" is traditional.  Because Malaga is an area with many Brits, every bar offers a beer size called a "pinta".  If you are very VERY lucky this may indeed be a pint but usually it is just the biggest glass they have, which could be anything from about 40cl upwards.  You won't ...

After our big hill on Sunday everyone was looking for an easy day yesterday, so we just rode up the coast to Torremolinos for a leisurely lunch.  This is the joy of fixed-base cycling, with no obligation to be somewhere new at the end of each day. Torremolinos, for me, is synonymous with Brits in Spain....and it lived up to my mental image.  As you approach the town you pass large parking lots full of people 'living the dream'....though it is a mystery why their dream is to live in a tin box in a dirt car park 6 inches from their neighbouring dream-liver.  Then comes a long strip of Guinness pubs, cafes offering full English breakfast, and lots of hotels.  We found a passable beachfront restaurant and ate our lunch overlooking a British couple who were busy playing the version of scrabble where rude words score extra.  She knew some real zingers! After such a leisurely day we were obviously hungry so struck out in search of dinner.  Initia...

We went to the Brazilian and it was magnificent. There were hot dead animals of every kind and we ate lots of them.   Our new arrival, David, is not entirely aligned with corporate policy vis a vis drinks.  We all ordered a large beer but David went for a Pina Colada.....yes, I know!  I will take him on one side tomorrow and explain that this sort of nonsense just isn't acceptable, even if he does like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape. Today we did a 60 mile ride with clear blue skies and highs in the low 20s....which was nice.  Slightly less nice was the ruddy great hill we had to climb right out of the door.  Distance, grade and total climb are numbers that won't convey the true horror of this bastard so let's describe it in simpler language....2 hours in bottom gear at walking pace.  David redeemed himself after his big drinks faux pa by being slower than me.  Cresting a hill in anything other than last place is an exp...

We are lifelong fans of a Chinese Buffet but, in recent years, have discovered an even better 'all you can eat' format.....the Brazilian Rodizio.  You still get masses of food, but the waiters bring it to the table, thus saving time and effort.  The menu is heavily meat-based...ok....entirely meat-based, so not ideal for vegetablists but perfect for hungry cyclists.  There is usually an extensive salad cart to sucker the novice into filling a chop-sized hole with lettuce but pros like us don't fall for that one. You will see where all this is going, or rather you won't!  Last night we set off for a nearby Rodizio, timing our arrival for the stroke of 8pm when the police grudgingly permit restaurants to open.  What we hadn't considered was that it was Friday night AND Valentines Day....and what says 'I love you' better than taking beloved to an all you can eat meat buffet? Without a reservation we were turned away at the door (but not before booki...

So much to bring you up to date on: Rock Lobster (Wednesday evening) It turns out, and who could have predicted this, that a good place to get a nice meal in Malaga is a Spanish restaurant.  We went to a place specialising in paella and had the seafood which was excellent. Busily Doing Nothing (Thursday) I have been brewing up a lovely thick head cold which asserted itself yesterday morning so I was faced with a choice between growing a pair and getting on the bike or taking a day off.  Needless to say that my pair remain ungrown.  My fellow cyclists also bunked off in a touching display of solidarity (or possibly laziness).  We did very little apar from mooch down to the harbour for a beer and a burger, consumed while looking at a moored boat which, apparently, is worth $200 million.   China in My Hand (Thursday Evening) We had set our hearts on a Chinese Buffet for dinner but the one just down the road enjoys poor rev...

Note to self: when in a country that is not renowned for its Indian cuisine don't go for a curry.  It was probably the worst Indian meal I have ever had....tasteless food served luke warm.  If I was looking for the positives the portions were generous but this was an occasion where LESS food would have been an improvement.  On the plus side a large beer was only 3 euros so it wasn't all bad. Today we took a different route out of town, less busy but still pretty frustrating for the 1st 5 miles.  Unlike yesterday where we had 1 big hill today was a number of climbs spread over 25 miles....nothing too strenuous but my lack of fitness was pretty hard to hide! We are following routes we stole from some web site and had no idea how good they would be.  The answer is not very.  Today's was OK until we headed back into Malaga when it tried to take us on the motorway.  We stopped and got the Garmin to plot a new route which produced a lovely ...

Last night we have found a cunning loophole in the Spanish 'no dinner until midnight' laws.  Our apartment is close to a shopping mall which seems to have some sort of exemption from the normal rules of Spain.  On the upper floor is a food court where we found restaurants open and happy to serve us food at 6:30.  We had pizza.... not very Spanish but did I mention it was open at 6:30? Nick rocked up at about 9pm.  Lorraine, we now discover, is pushing 74 and looked like she had wafted here from Luton Care Home rather than paradise. So we are now at gang of four until David joins us on Saturday. Today we went for a ride.  It was a simple 'there and back' ride along the coast with a loop up into the hills which, on paper, looked like a piece of cake.  Getting out of Malaga requires 5 fairly poor miles, with the same on the return.  The other 40 were nice BUT there was a bit of a hill.  It was 5 miles long and mostly bottom gear...not...