Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

  Forgive me Father, it is some time since my last confession.  Last time we chatted I was in Ocean Cove eating raw eggs. Into The Valley (FRIDAY) Just a reminder that the majority of my group lives with Parkinsons.  If you think it's just a bit of a shaky hand do some reading on it.  On Friday they rode 90 miles and climbed over 5000 ft...the toughest ride of the trip by a country mile.  The fact that they did it all is impressive, but they did it with a smile and not a word of complaint!  Over the years I have seen plenty of riders finish that day in considerably less style. We ended in Mill Valley, just a stone's throw from The Orange Gate Bridge.  Our motel sat beside our nemesis - US101 - which, by then is 5 lanes in either direction and busy as hell.  It was as charming as the location suggests but everyone was too bollocked to care.  On the plus side it features a surprisingly good Indian restaurant...good by UK standa...

Leaving Dog Crap Villas we first made a compulsory side trip to the Chandelier Drive Thru Tree for tacky tourist photos.  Our film crew got the footage they wanted and it was nice to devote even a few minutes to something other than getting the miles done. We then turned onto Highway 1, THE Specific Coast Highway.  A sensational climb over 2 chunky hills delivered us back to the ocean (we have been inland for 2 days) and it was a short day into Fort Brag where I took a rider to the local hospital to get some riding pains investigated.  That is my 2 nd  visit to that particular hospital in recent years, but they didn't seem to remember me.  This is no great surprise but in 2 of the hotels we have used the receptionist HAS remembered me...probably not in a good way! Today should be a tough one with almost 80 miles and 5000ft of climbing but they have a magnificent tail wind and it looks like they will all be done in good time.  I was looking forwa...

I managed to delegate the big responsibilities for cooking last night and just played a supporting role.  Everybody got fed and I heard no complaints so I'll call that a success.  There was a large communal fire pit and, after dinner, our film crew were keen for some shots of us sitting round the fire talking bollocks...so we obliged.  I rummaged around in the woods for some kindling then set fire to a fair chunk of a giant redwood that was sitting in the log trunk waiting.  The night in Redcrest Resort is always a memorable one and I think it delivered again. Today we did another 26 miles along the Avenue of The Giants ending with a lunch stop in Garberville, a place that distinguishes itself by having more homeless people, hippies and general weirdos than usual.  This despite the bar being set pretty high in Northern California. If California were a country in its own right it would have the 4 th  or 5 th  largest economy in the world....

Yes, I have used this song before.  Possibly several times, but I really have no more craps to give. Last night we stayed in Arcata, a nasty little town whose population mostly seems to live out of grocery carts in the shopping mall parking lot.  Our hotel, the Ramada, is one of a cluster around an intersection on US101 and lays enviable claim to the title 'worst Google ratings of the whole trip'.  I have stayed there before and can verify that the rating is well-deserved.  The actual hotel is fine- clean and functional - but they have an afternoon receptionist who is spectacularly awful...probably the worst I have ever met, and I have met some real turds.  We stay there because at least the hotel lacks the drug dealers and hookers that loiter in the lobbies of some of the others.  So, as you may imagine, my hopes weren't high as I entered reception. In fact the manager was on duty and he was polite, helpful, efficient.  My gast could not h...

Norwegian Wood We are now in the Redwood National Park, a day away from the real  bigguns but still quite redwoody.  Along the way are any number of tourist businesses trying to cash in on the whole 'big trees' thing.  The first 'attraction' as you enter the park is called Trees of Mystery, basically a woodland trail designed to showcase the natural splendour of the forest.  And what says natural splendour better than a giant model of a lumberjack and a bull?  Maybe I'll try and compile a list of all the places since I can tell you are interested  Everybody Hurts Our group is slowly compiling a list of the sort of ailments that inevitably arise on a long distance ride: strained tendons, foot problems, sore arses.  I have made a sort of universal 'salve' from whatever comes to hand: mainly grease; cream cheese and energy gels.  I have added a couple of crushed Fisherman's Friends to give it a medicated smell and I am handing it out...

You can't get much more Merican than a big old Harley or a V8 pickup truck and I can appreciate the appeal of both as iconic Americana. What I will never understand is why they have to be so sodding loud.  This is not an inevitable bi-product of the type of engine used....Honda make whisper quiet v-twins and a V8 Rolls Royce is virtually inaudible. I assume the loudness is just a deliberate big 'f*ck you' to the world...a bit like dressing as a punk in the late 70s.  However, when a truck roars past making my ears bleed I don't  think 'oh wow, what a cool dude'.  I just think 'TWAT'. Today was a sunny Saturday on a scenic part of the coast and the good ole boys were out in force, roaring up and down in their 3 ton penis extensions.  It is certainly NOT a coincidence that these happen to also be the worst drivers for sharing the road with cyclists.  Passing a bit close is the best we expect, a few expletives hurled from the window is routine, and d...

We are staying in a motel at the mouth of the Rogue River and I can sit on my balcony listening to the sea lions barking.  We are some distance from the services of the town so we ate at the restaurant right across the street.  It is the only place within walking distance of our large motel and an even larger one next door and this was reflected in the prices.  I had a mediocre rib-eye and one beer and walked out $70 lighter.  Today is a 'rest day' which, for me, looked like this: 7:00 Up to negotiate the use of a room for breakfast.  Prepare breakfast supplies, load them in the van, drive to reception, lay out breakfast spread. 8:00 Breakfast  9:00 Clear away breakfast  9:15 Bike mending clinic 10:15 Pack away tools, check breakfast stocks and prepare shopping list 10:30 Meet with other leader to update plans for next section to SF 11:00 Laundry  11:30  Shopping for breakfast supplies 12:30...

Despite my best efforts to lower the tone the organisation of this ride is pretty slick.  We have team cycle jerseys and caps, crew uniforms, branding for the van and business cards with QR  codes...the whole enchilada.  We even have a film crew! We are being shadowed by a 2 person team who will create a 45 minute TV documentary.  We don't have funding from Netflix so the crew are two students (of journalism and documentary film making) but we have seen a glimpse of their work and they know their craft! They are a young and attractive couple...the perfect counter-balance to the support crew. As well as the full documentary they are tasked with creating a 5 minute version to be screened at the World Parkinson's Congress in Phoenix.  The following short teaser was knocked up in their bedroom after just 2-3 days on the road so I'm really looking forward to seeing the final result.  I'm assuming (and hoping) that my scenes won't survive the edit! TEA...

I like Merica and I like many things Merican...but I could never live here.  The things that annoy me REALLY annoy me, and that leads me to the rant-de-jour. Why is it that every other kind of business builds their staff costs into their product price but when it comes to food and drink I'm supposed to pay the staff costs instead?  I appreciate that tipping isn't a uniquely American issue but it has really got out of hand here. A discretionary tip to show appreciation for exceptional service is one thing but what is now the norm in Merica is legitimised extortion.  At every transaction, even buying a TAKEAWAY coffee, one is presented with a demand for a tip.  You CAN decline but this is likely to lead to a sour response at best and a stand-up argument at worst.  The suggested tip is always calculated for a range of percentages and the LOWEST suggested percentage is now twenty. TWENTY.  F@#£ing TWENTY!!! Also...in what world does it make sen...