Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

Norwegian Wood We are now in the Redwood National Park, a day away from the real  bigguns but still quite redwoody.  Along the way are any number of tourist businesses trying to cash in on the whole 'big trees' thing.  The first 'attraction' as you enter the park is called Trees of Mystery, basically a woodland trail designed to showcase the natural splendour of the forest.  And what says natural splendour better than a giant model of a lumberjack and a bull?  Maybe I'll try and compile a list of all the places since I can tell you are interested  Everybody Hurts Our group is slowly compiling a list of the sort of ailments that inevitably arise on a long distance ride: strained tendons, foot problems, sore arses.  I have made a sort of universal 'salve' from whatever comes to hand: mainly grease; cream cheese and energy gels.  I have added a couple of crushed Fisherman's Friends to give it a medicated smell and I am handing it out...

You can't get much more Merican than a big old Harley or a V8 pickup truck and I can appreciate the appeal of both as iconic Americana. What I will never understand is why they have to be so sodding loud.  This is not an inevitable bi-product of the type of engine used....Honda make whisper quiet v-twins and a V8 Rolls Royce is virtually inaudible. I assume the loudness is just a deliberate big 'f*ck you' to the world...a bit like dressing as a punk in the late 70s.  However, when a truck roars past making my ears bleed I don't  think 'oh wow, what a cool dude'.  I just think 'TWAT'. Today was a sunny Saturday on a scenic part of the coast and the good ole boys were out in force, roaring up and down in their 3 ton penis extensions.  It is certainly NOT a coincidence that these happen to also be the worst drivers for sharing the road with cyclists.  Passing a bit close is the best we expect, a few expletives hurled from the window is routine, and d...

We are staying in a motel at the mouth of the Rogue River and I can sit on my balcony listening to the sea lions barking.  We are some distance from the services of the town so we ate at the restaurant right across the street.  It is the only place within walking distance of our large motel and an even larger one next door and this was reflected in the prices.  I had a mediocre rib-eye and one beer and walked out $70 lighter.  Today is a 'rest day' which, for me, looked like this: 7:00 Up to negotiate the use of a room for breakfast.  Prepare breakfast supplies, load them in the van, drive to reception, lay out breakfast spread. 8:00 Breakfast  9:00 Clear away breakfast  9:15 Bike mending clinic 10:15 Pack away tools, check breakfast stocks and prepare shopping list 10:30 Meet with other leader to update plans for next section to SF 11:00 Laundry  11:30  Shopping for breakfast supplies 12:30...

Despite my best efforts to lower the tone the organisation of this ride is pretty slick.  We have team cycle jerseys and caps, crew uniforms, branding for the van and business cards with QR  codes...the whole enchilada.  We even have a film crew! We are being shadowed by a 2 person team who will create a 45 minute TV documentary.  We don't have funding from Netflix so the crew are two students (of journalism and documentary film making) but we have seen a glimpse of their work and they know their craft! They are a young and attractive couple...the perfect counter-balance to the support crew. As well as the full documentary they are tasked with creating a 5 minute version to be screened at the World Parkinson's Congress in Phoenix.  The following short teaser was knocked up in their bedroom after just 2-3 days on the road so I'm really looking forward to seeing the final result.  I'm assuming (and hoping) that my scenes won't survive the edit! TEA...

I like Merica and I like many things Merican...but I could never live here.  The things that annoy me REALLY annoy me, and that leads me to the rant-de-jour. Why is it that every other kind of business builds their staff costs into their product price but when it comes to food and drink I'm supposed to pay the staff costs instead?  I appreciate that tipping isn't a uniquely American issue but it has really got out of hand here. A discretionary tip to show appreciation for exceptional service is one thing but what is now the norm in Merica is legitimised extortion.  At every transaction, even buying a TAKEAWAY coffee, one is presented with a demand for a tip.  You CAN decline but this is likely to lead to a sour response at best and a stand-up argument at worst.  The suggested tip is always calculated for a range of percentages and the LOWEST suggested percentage is now twenty. TWENTY.  F@#£ing TWENTY!!! Also...in what world does it make sen...

For my international readership I should explain:  in the UK there is a long-running compilation album, launched with Volume 1 in 1983, which features the greatest hits of the period.  It in now well past volume 100 and going strong.  I didn't blog yesterday, which my daughter has firmly pointed out is unacceptable, so I better catch up: DAY 5 - With A Little Help From My Friends Last night we were in Garibaldi, another small town devoted entirely to fishing.  The town was deserted; we had our harbourside diner to ourselves and even the hotel had only 1 guest other than our group. Marlene was good to her word and rocked up at 7am with delicious breakfast burritos, muffins and coffee.  Marlene gave up her Sunday, drove 100 miles to stand beside the road all afternoon with a snack station, paid for overnight accommodation so she could be up delivering breakfast, then drove 100 miles home.  'Thank you' doesn't really suffice but it is all we h...

Long Beach WA is a little seaside town best known for having....err...a long beach. When I arrived yesterday the sun was out, it was Saturday and the annual Razor Clam Festival was in full swing.  If you don't know what a razor clam festival is you are in good company!    Anyway there was a quite a buzz in town with lots of shellfish frolics. As I entered the town I was a bit surprised to find an organised protest on the outskirts, which requires me to address the elephant in the room... King Trump the Orange.  Citizens of the coastal states are generally less likely to be Trump supporters, but you can never be sure and I had wondered what the political mood might be.  For a county in the hands of a narcissistic psychopath everything seems surprisingly 'normal' but I think the general lack of pro-Trump/MAGA posters says a lot.  The good people of Long Beach are clearly not fans...they stood at an intersection holding placards that could best be descr...

I think we were the only people staying in last night's hotel that were not going fishing this morning!  I have never liked fishing but I studied the fisherpeople (is that sufficiently woke?) loading their trucks and fishing seems to involve very large coolers full of beer.  Maybe I should give it a try. We are now following the Pacific Coast Highway; which means long stretches on our nemesis - US101.  This road runs all the way from Seattle to Los Angeles and is the main alternate to the I5 interstate.  We avoid it wherever we can and this puts us on quiet country back roads where the people have fewer teeth and bigger beards...sometimes even the men.   The citizens of these back roads communities are not gardeners.  Instead of well-trimmed lawns and tended flowerbeds the locals use their yards (gardens) to store crap.  Well, actually 'store' implies more purpose than I think lies behind the abandonment of cars, machinery, old caravan...

No fires last night!  We went into town for dinner in a little bar on Main Street.  Shelton is not a big town and it wasn't a big bar but the menu had about 20 good craft beers on it.  What a change from 20 years ago when you struggled to get anything but Miller or Budweiser!  Supermarkets also have a good selection of craft beers, though I sense a worrying trend towards 'silly' beers.  The shelves are full of beer from companies nobody has ever heard of, in garish livery and with names like Voodoo Jazz Hands.  They all now seem to pack a ridiculous punch - entry level IPA's are 7% or more and some are in the 9's. As I said...silly. On the plus side I suspect that the buying public is shunning these little start-up breweries and they often seem to be on sale at a good discount over the big boys like Sierra Nevada and Lagunitas. A couple from the local PD support group were keen to meet with us and we arranged a rendezvous in Montesano, about hal...