Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

After our big hill on Sunday everyone was looking for an easy day yesterday, so we just rode up the coast to Torremolinos for a leisurely lunch.  This is the joy of fixed-base cycling, with no obligation to be somewhere new at the end of each day. Torremolinos, for me, is synonymous with Brits in Spain....and it lived up to my mental image.  As you approach the town you pass large parking lots full of people 'living the dream'....though it is a mystery why their dream is to live in a tin box in a dirt car park 6 inches from their neighbouring dream-liver.  Then comes a long strip of Guinness pubs, cafes offering full English breakfast, and lots of hotels.  We found a passable beachfront restaurant and ate our lunch overlooking a British couple who were busy playing the version of scrabble where rude words score extra.  She knew some real zingers! After such a leisurely day we were obviously hungry so struck out in search of dinner.  Initia...

We went to the Brazilian and it was magnificent. There were hot dead animals of every kind and we ate lots of them.   Our new arrival, David, is not entirely aligned with corporate policy vis a vis drinks.  We all ordered a large beer but David went for a Pina Colada.....yes, I know!  I will take him on one side tomorrow and explain that this sort of nonsense just isn't acceptable, even if he does like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape. Today we did a 60 mile ride with clear blue skies and highs in the low 20s....which was nice.  Slightly less nice was the ruddy great hill we had to climb right out of the door.  Distance, grade and total climb are numbers that won't convey the true horror of this bastard so let's describe it in simpler language....2 hours in bottom gear at walking pace.  David redeemed himself after his big drinks faux pa by being slower than me.  Cresting a hill in anything other than last place is an exp...

We are lifelong fans of a Chinese Buffet but, in recent years, have discovered an even better 'all you can eat' format.....the Brazilian Rodizio.  You still get masses of food, but the waiters bring it to the table, thus saving time and effort.  The menu is heavily meat-based...ok....entirely meat-based, so not ideal for vegetablists but perfect for hungry cyclists.  There is usually an extensive salad cart to sucker the novice into filling a chop-sized hole with lettuce but pros like us don't fall for that one. You will see where all this is going, or rather you won't!  Last night we set off for a nearby Rodizio, timing our arrival for the stroke of 8pm when the police grudgingly permit restaurants to open.  What we hadn't considered was that it was Friday night AND Valentines Day....and what says 'I love you' better than taking beloved to an all you can eat meat buffet? Without a reservation we were turned away at the door (but not before booki...

So much to bring you up to date on: Rock Lobster (Wednesday evening) It turns out, and who could have predicted this, that a good place to get a nice meal in Malaga is a Spanish restaurant.  We went to a place specialising in paella and had the seafood which was excellent. Busily Doing Nothing (Thursday) I have been brewing up a lovely thick head cold which asserted itself yesterday morning so I was faced with a choice between growing a pair and getting on the bike or taking a day off.  Needless to say that my pair remain ungrown.  My fellow cyclists also bunked off in a touching display of solidarity (or possibly laziness).  We did very little apar from mooch down to the harbour for a beer and a burger, consumed while looking at a moored boat which, apparently, is worth $200 million.   China in My Hand (Thursday Evening) We had set our hearts on a Chinese Buffet for dinner but the one just down the road enjoys poor rev...

Note to self: when in a country that is not renowned for its Indian cuisine don't go for a curry.  It was probably the worst Indian meal I have ever had....tasteless food served luke warm.  If I was looking for the positives the portions were generous but this was an occasion where LESS food would have been an improvement.  On the plus side a large beer was only 3 euros so it wasn't all bad. Today we took a different route out of town, less busy but still pretty frustrating for the 1st 5 miles.  Unlike yesterday where we had 1 big hill today was a number of climbs spread over 25 miles....nothing too strenuous but my lack of fitness was pretty hard to hide! We are following routes we stole from some web site and had no idea how good they would be.  The answer is not very.  Today's was OK until we headed back into Malaga when it tried to take us on the motorway.  We stopped and got the Garmin to plot a new route which produced a lovely ...

Last night we have found a cunning loophole in the Spanish 'no dinner until midnight' laws.  Our apartment is close to a shopping mall which seems to have some sort of exemption from the normal rules of Spain.  On the upper floor is a food court where we found restaurants open and happy to serve us food at 6:30.  We had pizza.... not very Spanish but did I mention it was open at 6:30? Nick rocked up at about 9pm.  Lorraine, we now discover, is pushing 74 and looked like she had wafted here from Luton Care Home rather than paradise. So we are now at gang of four until David joins us on Saturday. Today we went for a ride.  It was a simple 'there and back' ride along the coast with a loop up into the hills which, on paper, looked like a piece of cake.  Getting out of Malaga requires 5 fairly poor miles, with the same on the return.  The other 40 were nice BUT there was a bit of a hill.  It was 5 miles long and mostly bottom gear...not...

Somewhere in Paris I believe they have the official definitive 'metre'.  I think it's just a metal stick but all other sticks take their measurement from that.   We should do the same with a Premier Inn breakfast.  It should be kept somewhere safe, probably in the Tower of London, as the reference  point for anyone wanting to claim they serve a 'full English'.  Neil performed his usual trick of hoovering his breakfast off the plate like a half-starved labrador while I savoured every last bit.  It will be toast and marmalade for the next 10 days. The airport was reasonably quiet but our flight was rammed.  If you ever wondered what sort of people go to Malaga in February the answer is....very old people.  We weren't THE youngest people on the plane but we were definitely in the youngest 20%.  Our seats were surrounded by white haired old biddies who spent the flight drinking tea then visiting the loo nineteen times.  Some...

Back in the day, when I was still fit and Neil was still gay, we would take off ‘down under’ for a proper big cycling adventure most winters.  The draw of the antipodes remains strong but, for now,  my scrawny legs and Neil’s love life preclude that sort of nonsense; so we have to aim a little lower.  “If we can’t do lots of riding with a bit of drinking”, we thought, “why not do lots of drinking with a bit of riding?”.      So we are going to Malaga, where we have rented an apartment and will do some day rides any time the weather isn’t suitable for drinking.  We are being joined by a select subset of the band – just Alan and Nick for the full10 days and David for the final 6.  We have booked a very nice place which ticks every conceivable box: it is within walking distance of a Chinese Buffet!  At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, my preparations for the trip have been sub-optimal – not much drinking and even ...

There are some 'heavily built' cyclists that can put out a surprising turn of speed.  Fortunately for me the leader of my trip turned out to be the other sort - just a fat bastard.  He led us out as a very modest pace and I was able not only to keep up but to chat and enjoy the ride.  There WAS a sodding great hill in the middle but I comfortably beat Fat Bloke at The Back and was only a minute or two behind a couple of the others.  Nothing to boast about but not a disgrace.  The only other Brit in the group, the ex-pro, comfortably won the hill climb. The itinerary for the rest if the day was interesting....First a leisurely lunch with plenty of wine, then wine tasting, then dinner with plenty of wine.  Finally events I'm good at so a Brit won the drinking too.  The rest of the group are Spanish, Belgian and French and can only look on in awe This morning it was more cycling, this time on mountain bikes.  Mountain biking i...