Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

‎Sometimes the songs just write themselves! We are staying in the Van Der Valk hotel in Veenendaal.   We are now in Cloggie land, having passed through Arnhem in the early afternoon. We have taken the trouble to swot up on the ‎battle for the bridge which makes fascinating reading. Not exactly a high spot in the liberation of Europe but a lesson in the resolve of the British and Polish 'grunt'.   It has been a showery day, starting just plain wet but then off an on. We have kept vaguely warm and dry but over lunch our commitment to camping crumbled, hence the Van Der Valk hotel. It is a rather expensive business hotel and we are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit but the room is full of lovely comfy things. We aren't too sure about the clear glass shower door but otherwise is is a splendid end of trip treat.   Atomic Today we cycled past Wunderland - a theme park built in disused‎ nuclear power station. In England a visitor to a theme park risks loosing a leg but in

‎Yay pictures!!! I have finally got the old phone to talk to the interweb and this one allows me to control photo sizes. So, where were we? Denis Denis OK, this one requires a bit of flexibility but go with me! In the Beano was a character called Dennis The Menace and he used to do horrid things to a character called Walter the Softie. We spent the end of tuesday and the start of wednesday cycling with Walter, a young Belgian who was riding home from Frankfurt airport having spent a year cycling 20000km around Africa. Only 21, he had previously already cycled to Malaysia. I look back at what I had done at 21......hmm.  ‎I admire what he has achieved but 5 months combating Malaria and the raging sh#ts isn't my idea of fun!  He is heading back for a big welcome home party - have one for us Walter! Metal Guru On Wednesday we rode to Cologne. It was a spiffy day - sunny but not hot, lots to look at and nice cycle paths which were mostly in sight if the river. We sat in the sun for lunc

No, I have never heard of it either but is is a song...by the Bandettes whoever they are. It seems that the primary requirements for cycling in Germany are a bike and magnificent facial fungus.  Of the two the bike appears to rank second.  At the very least you should sport a dodgy 1970's porn star moustache but, ideally, a full beard.  If this is grey then so much the better.  We spend our days nodding at off-duty Father Christmases as we ride up the cycle paths. Last night we sought out a magnificent mixed grill, served by a waiter who clearly wasn't entirely happy with how his career was turning out, then retired to the camp bar for a nightcap. Today was a peasy 63....pan flat but up the Rhine Gorge so plenty to look at. We are staying in Koblenz, a town nearly as impressive as its campsite fees.  Possibly their was some confusion and we now own the place but 50 euros to pitch three Wendy houses is a bit lumpy! We have just days to the Hook of Holland and I am busy planning

Yes, I know it is an album but I MAKE ZE RULES (it is possible I have been in Germany too long). The poor Germans have something wrong with their legs.  When they go fo a walk they need two sticks to help them. These sticks look very much like the ones used when hiking in hilly country but clearly there must be some sort of physical infirmity for them to use them on the Rhine cycle path which is flatter than a very flat thing.  To test my theory I am going to steal someone's sticks tomorrow and see if they chase me or just fall over. In the last two days we have ridden about 180 miles but climbed only about 180 feet.  We are following the Rhine cycle route so are mostly on cycle paths.  While the cycle path network is magnificent it makes for trying cycling - lots if navigation, variable surfaces and twats with sticks to avoid. Last night we took cheap lodgings in Karlsruhe and had an indifferent Indian for tea (how can anyone make a bland vindaloo?).  Tonight, after a heroic 95,

I expect you have all been worried sick about us!  Nothing to worry about - just a lack of commitment  to this whole blogging malarky.  So, I think we were in Bregenz when you last heard from us.  Ferry 'cross the Mersey - Thursday We spent the morning riding up the German side of Lake Constance before taking the ferry over to Konstanz where we continued up the side of the lake, eventually finishing in a nice campsite in Schaffhausen.  The weather was El Scorchio and the riding was easy but it was a late start and a long day so we got in pretty late.  We had a make-do tea and an early night. Knock on Wood - Friday Despite the Rhine route being pretty flat this was due to be a hillier day and with  85 miles to do it was always going to be a bit testing.  A road closure added 5 miles and a broken rack (neil's) added a 45 minute delay.  Now, regular readers might remember Neil having a broken rack in NZ.  Same rack..... because the dick didn't replace it when he got home.  We

Last night we stayed in a small hotel is Saas.  Alan delighted in how clever he had been to miss the Alps and we were too tired to tell him to shut the f%&k up.  This morning we set out to continue our ride out of the mountains and into the Rhine valley.  Our legs were pretty much useless but this mattered little as the going was downhill then flat.  It was hard to comprehend the difference to yesterday - just slowly spinning the cranks and watching the scenery roll by. Occasionally we came to a small upslope where Knobby would immediately surge ahead, giggling like a girl.  Git. We met the Rhine just north of Malens and followed it for 40 miles to Brigenz at the foot of Lake Constance.  We are in a nice little campsite where we are trying to stop the mozzies from bleeding us dry. 

My regular phone won't connect to the interweb and my backup phone won't compress photos to a size that the blog accepts so no photos.  Bugger. Once we got dried out we had a good evening in Livigno with too much food and another early night.  Today we set out for our last day of big hills in the Alps.  The first of these promised to be  short but brutal sod but, joy of joys, it turns out that the road actually goes UNDER the hill in a small single lane tunnel.  Cycling is verboten so we had to ride in the cycle shuttle bus.  2 miles and 500 metres of vertical climb averted.  Happy days. This still left the second, 1000 metre, climb which took a fair bit of doing but eventually we reached the top.  An emotional moment as it was the highest pass at 2383 metres, and the last one.  In mileage our trip is half done but we have done ALL the hills.  It was cold at the top so it was winter drawers on ready for a 1400 metre plunge down the other side.  Quite apart from the satisfaction

Actually I'm in bed in just my pants drinking beer......but I survived the Alps.   Last night I had a damn good go at repaying the calorie debt I had accumulated but  we then both slept badly thanks to a torrential thunderstorm. We set out with some trepidation.  To my amazement the legs weren't too bad and were delivering low but steady thrust as we started a long slow climb that filled the morning.  We then threw all the altitude gain away and started all over again, this time it was serious bottom gear stuff as we climbed 4000 feet, through Switzerland and back into Italian Livigno.  To be strictly accurate Neil climbed a little more than me as he has an upset stomach and regularly climbed into the trees to do what bears do best. The climb was mostly OK but suddenly we both hit a wall and we think that the thinner air may be to blame.  The last 700 feet of climb were done at 3mph with much stopping and quite a bit of swearing. At the top the heavens opened and we rode the la

Hardest day's cycling I have ever done.  Only 64 miles but almost 10000 feet climbed, most of them at 10% or worse. Our day got off to an exciting start when our first big hill took us to......a dead end.  So be backtracked 2 miles, gritted our teeth and rode through the 3 mile tunnel under the hill.  Cycling isn't allowed and we got hooted at. After that we slogged up hills all day, before a 12 mile scream down to Breno where I lie comatose on the bed.  On the downhill I had to brake so much that my front tube deconstructed itself - the valve became unglued.  The rims were too hot to touch! No jokes today - too knackered.  Tomorrow we do it all again.  Bugger.

‎The only other Italian song in the world. It seems ferry two serves as a pretty good viewing platform for Venice. Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

As you might imagine, emotions were running high as we parted from Alan this morning.  'Thank Christ he has gone' said Neil wiping a tear from his eye.  'Too bloody right' I replied with a quivering voice. We set off up our 4000 foot hill in good spirits and were at the top by noon, though our spirits were by then a tad lower.  In the early afternoon we cycled past a digital temperature display......40 degrees C! By the end of the day were had squandered all the height gained and we are more or less back at sea level at the top of lake Garda.  We are knackered. For each of the next two days we have to climb TWICE as much.  Bugger.

The second of the two ferries past Venice actually gave us a pretty good view of the island while still avoiding all the tourists, rip-off merchants and sewage smells.  We even passed the Queen Elizabeth cruise ship.  After 43 flat but quite tedious miles we are in Vicenca on a lovely camp site.  Since we are in Italy where are we going to eat? A wild-west themed burger bar of course! It is with regret that I inform you of the break up of the fun-boy three!  Alan has been finding the going tough - either too hot or too hilly, and sometimes both.  We all agree that the next 4 days over the alps are probably too much and he has wisely decided to make his own way to Chur on the other side by train.  Tomorrow morning we will saddle up for a big hill en-route to Lake Garda while Knobby will head to the station. Worryingly, this now leaves me as tail-end Charlie and I think I may wish I was with Alan a few times in the coming days. Anyway, time to get my stetson and go in search of hot dead

‎Or, more properly, the Cornetto song. Yup, we are in Venice. Yesterday was a VERY flat day but qcuite dull. We stopped in a grotty little cafe at about 50 miles for refreshment and realised Venice must be close when the bill for 2 small stale beers and a coffee was 11 quid.   In contrast, our campsite last night was smart, well run and inexpensive......probably because, with 24 to choose from in the area, competition is fierce. We very much enjoyed the little evening show laid on by the entertainment staff‎. It was aimed squarely at the Germans who make up 95 percent of the inmates but delivered in a sort of esperanto comprising Italian, German and English....often in the same sentence. I have delayed sending this entry in order to include the obligatory photo of a gondola. Unfortunately we now discover that bicycles are forbidden on Venice island so we have had to skirt it by means to two ferries. I saw the place 32 years ago so it is no loss! I stole the photo from the Interweb. We

‎I appreciate that many of you will have already  heard the following theory but yesterday was a slow news day and, anyway, it is something that needs formally recording. Why is it that Johnny Foreigner is so good at speaking English while‎ we are so pants at foreign languages? The answer is actually very simple......English is the natural language of the human species. At the genetic level there is an Oxford English Dictionary encoded in our DNA. So all we need is a couple of years exposure to our parents singing Baa Baa Black Sheep and suddenly we can speak English. Presumably foreign babies have a hell of a time trying to learn a ridiculous made up language when really all they want to do is let the english come rushing out! Once they get to school they have two English lessons and bingo.....fluent english. Thanks to the above we have had no difficulty making ourselves understood for the last week or so. Now we are in Italy I can throw my 7 or 8 words of Italian into the pot and thi

‎A fairly demanding day!   72 miles and a sodding great hill but nothing compared with what is to come. After a brief delay while we detoured to a bike shop (Neil needed a new tyre) we headed up and over a large peninsula, passing briefly into Slovenia and then into Italy where we are staying, a few miles outside Trieste.   The ride was absolutely stunning, on creamy smooth but quiet roads‎ and the welcome shade of overhanging branches.  We are sorry to say goodbye to Croatia.....OK we are sorry to say goodbye to cheap beer.... but leave a little bitter about the constant attempts to jack up the price when the bill is calculated. Having said this, on arrival in Italy, the first shop we went in tried to cheat us on the already exorbitant price of a Heinekan so at least in Croatia they cheat from a less expensive starting point. ‎Tomorrow we start the first of 3 easy flat days that will take us round the top of the Adriatic and through Venice. The legs will appreciate that! Sent from my 

‎Sometimes the songs come to me but sometimes I have to go to the songs! I admit it is a bit contrived but who cares?  We are in Selce, last stop before Italy, in another shed.... but this one is right by the sea. No doubt it will cost seven times as much as quoted when we come to check out. We have enjoyed Croatia, the weather has been perfect, the scenery has been varied and often stunning, and the beer is cheap. On the minus side we have experienced a number of incidents where prices have inexplicably risen when we come to pay. There is a general feel that the Croatians are on the make and we are good targets for a bit of fiscal slight-of-hand. Today we rode the rest of our island and caught the ferry back to the mainland. We have ridden three good sized hills and done about 65 miles in the roasting sun. Time now for rehydration and watching the sunset :-) Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.