La Isla Bonita

By -

Within the travel business there is a thing called a 'Fam  trip'.  Basically it works like this:

1/ Someone, somewhere decides that they want to promote a particular tourist destination and persuades their government or local tourist board to fund this.

2/ Someone else decides that the best way to spend the money is to invite movers and shakers from within the travel industry to come and experience the destination's delights.  This is known as a Fam (familiarisation) trip.

3/ The task of identifying and enlisting these movers and shakers falls to a 3rd someone....and this is where it starts to go wrong.

4/ This 3rd someone is generally measured purely on their success in filling the available spaces.  It matters not one tiny jot to them whether the invitees will ever actually generate any tourism.

5/ You might imagine that giving away all expenses paid trips to interesting destinations would be a piece of cake but actually is  isn't.  The REAL movers and shakers are important, busy people and they get more offers of fam trips than they could ever realistically accept.  So, once the lions have had their fill of the most exotic trips, the fam trip carcass gets past down to the jackals, then the vultures, then the maggots.

I am a maggot.

So, here I am in sunny Mallorca pretending to be a big cheese in international cyclo-tourism.  It is just 3 nights with some sightseeing, a couple of guided bike rides, some sampling of local gastronomy and a bit of wine tasting.  Oh yes, there is also some sort of golf activity but apart from that it all sounds great.

Our hosts made the travel arrangements, and the skinflints booked me on Ryanair, an airline I had vowed never to use again.  I am pleased to confirm that they are just as shite as ever.

This morning we are going on a bike ride which I was looking forward to....until I discovered that all the other maggots are young, fit competitive cyclists.  To make matter worse there is a British guy who is an ex-pro and once finished we'll up the table in the Tour of Britain.  I'm out of my league and bracing myself for humiliation.  Bugger.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll/Mr Tamborine Man/I Write The Songs

By -
Image
  After an 18 month separation Plum and I are reforming the band for another tour.  The two of us, plus 6 others, are heading up to Scotlandshire for another crack at the North Cost 500.  I should probably introduce the full line-up:   Lead Singer - David.  David is the young(er) pretty one.....brother of John.  David also happens to be my Financial Adviser and is funding this trip (plus a yacht and a cocaine habit) out of what he makes from my account.   Lead Guitar - Nick.  Friend for 50 years.  At school Nick was a keen cyclist and consequently, quite rightly, bullied.  Nick has forgotten more about cycling than I will ever know.   Bass Guitar - Stuart.  Stuart and I worked together for many years; he has powerful legs and can push out big watts while looking like he is coasting.  I hate Stuart.   Keyboards - Michael.  Michael is a...
Read more

If I Could Turn Back Time

By -
Image
If ever you are in the Inverness area on a Friday and looking for a lively night you could do a lot worse than avoid Muir of Ord.  Our hotel, the only pub, wasn't serving food so we walked into town where it appeared that Steven Spielberg had just finished filming some sort of post-apocalypse movie: nothing open, nobody on the streets and the odd bit of tumbleweed blowing along the pavement.  Even the fish and chip shop couldn't be arsed to open...on a FRIDAY NIGHT!  We managed to find a take-away offering a rather odd choice of kebabs and curries (served in pizza boxes for added novelty) and purchased some food which made up for in calories what it lacked in food-hygiene standards.   I recall a meeting where a few of my co-riders and I met to kick around ideas for a group ride.  We considered all sort of destinations....mostly in those parts of Europe where the weather isn't consistently shite.  I'm ashamed to say that I thin...
Read more

Julia's Song

By -
Image
As some readers will know, Plum is no longer Chard's most eligible bachelor.  The lovely Julia has taken on the job that Social Services would otherwise have to do....making sure he changes his pants once a week whether they need it or not and loading routes onto his Garmin.  We are all very grateful to Julia, especially Chards most eligible bachelorettes who can get back on the dating scene now Plum is safely off the market. As we were starting our trip Julia fell, dislocated her foot and broke her Tibia so she is probably missing Plum more than usual. She has insisted that the show should go on so thanks for being such a trooper. Today was another with a shortcut that promised to turn a very hard day into something more manageable.  Some of our group took the high road and others took the low but I had a more cunning idea.....get in the van.  Whatever is ailing me, long covid or acute spinelessness, reached the point where pushing th...
Read more