We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

By -

All done!  We are back in Muir of Ord for our final gig before heading home tomorrow.  We managed to slip away from Helmsdale without any further contact with Mrs 2 Rooms, for an easy 62 mile final ride.  Fearing I would slow people down I set off a bit early and was in the hotel with a pint by 1:30.  Neil followed shortly but the rest didn't show up until 5pm.....no idea where they got to.

So it's time to break up the band (disband the band?).   You will probably wonder what their future holds:

David will return to his day job, skimming the profits from the pension funds of hard-working songwriters.

Nick will continue to cycle most days....so no change there.

Stuart will hopefully continue to ride; he has the potential to be a very strong cyclist and he now has the base fitness to realise that potential.

Michael will probably buy a new bell and then sit back assuming that this has addressed any shortfalls in his cycling performance.

John will put his bike in the garage and leave it there until the band reforms.... then complain that he finds the cycling hard.

Plum will go home and fashion an artificial leg for Julia out of an old newel post he has kicking around in the shed.

Alan will go for a thorough sexual health check...by the looks of the mattress in the back of the van it has seen some action.

And me?  A visit to the doctor to see if I am ill or just lazy then 2 more cycling adventures before the season is over, one in Norway and one in Portugal.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll/Mr Tamborine Man/I Write The Songs

By -
Image
  After an 18 month separation Plum and I are reforming the band for another tour.  The two of us, plus 6 others, are heading up to Scotlandshire for another crack at the North Cost 500.  I should probably introduce the full line-up:   Lead Singer - David.  David is the young(er) pretty one.....brother of John.  David also happens to be my Financial Adviser and is funding this trip (plus a yacht and a cocaine habit) out of what he makes from my account.   Lead Guitar - Nick.  Friend for 50 years.  At school Nick was a keen cyclist and consequently, quite rightly, bullied.  Nick has forgotten more about cycling than I will ever know.   Bass Guitar - Stuart.  Stuart and I worked together for many years; he has powerful legs and can push out big watts while looking like he is coasting.  I hate Stuart.   Keyboards - Michael.  Michael is a...
Read more

If I Could Turn Back Time

By -
Image
If ever you are in the Inverness area on a Friday and looking for a lively night you could do a lot worse than avoid Muir of Ord.  Our hotel, the only pub, wasn't serving food so we walked into town where it appeared that Steven Spielberg had just finished filming some sort of post-apocalypse movie: nothing open, nobody on the streets and the odd bit of tumbleweed blowing along the pavement.  Even the fish and chip shop couldn't be arsed to open...on a FRIDAY NIGHT!  We managed to find a take-away offering a rather odd choice of kebabs and curries (served in pizza boxes for added novelty) and purchased some food which made up for in calories what it lacked in food-hygiene standards.   I recall a meeting where a few of my co-riders and I met to kick around ideas for a group ride.  We considered all sort of destinations....mostly in those parts of Europe where the weather isn't consistently shite.  I'm ashamed to say that I thin...
Read more

Julia's Song

By -
Image
As some readers will know, Plum is no longer Chard's most eligible bachelor.  The lovely Julia has taken on the job that Social Services would otherwise have to do....making sure he changes his pants once a week whether they need it or not and loading routes onto his Garmin.  We are all very grateful to Julia, especially Chards most eligible bachelorettes who can get back on the dating scene now Plum is safely off the market. As we were starting our trip Julia fell, dislocated her foot and broke her Tibia so she is probably missing Plum more than usual. She has insisted that the show should go on so thanks for being such a trooper. Today was another with a shortcut that promised to turn a very hard day into something more manageable.  Some of our group took the high road and others took the low but I had a more cunning idea.....get in the van.  Whatever is ailing me, long covid or acute spinelessness, reached the point where pushing th...
Read more