Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

We are in Madrid.  You will only appreciate the significance of this if you have a vague idea of our intended route, which doesn't pass within 150 miles of Madrid. This morning when we got up the temperature was barely above freezing....not what we signed up for but survivable.  BUT the outlook through to the middle of next week is truly horrid.  On Monday the overnight low is due to be -7!!!  To be sure of avoiding ice on the roads we would have to delay out start until about  noon each day and that just isn't viable with some long and hilly days ahead.  We don't have the clothes, the heart or the balls to ride in these conditions. So we are going home!  We left our hotel and rode straight to the station where we booked seats and bike slots on  the next available train to Madrid.  This turned out to be 5 hours later so we had a lot of sitting around while cancelling hotels, booking flights and generally ...

There's A Guy Works Down the Chipshop By 7 o'clock yesterday evening we were starving.  We had eaten all our peanuts plus the raisins* from the window sill and still couldn't face another hour before dinner.  So, we consulted a lawyer and found a loophole in the 'no tea before 8pm' laws.  It seems that takeaway places can sell you tea at 7pm so long as you swear on the bible not  to eat it for an hour.  So we grabbed the Gideon bible from the drawer and hastened down to the place on the corner and got a magnificent helping of chicken and chips.  Then we did a REALLY clever thing......we didn't wait an hour before eating it! *I think we both knew they were dead flies but we were REALLY hungry. Olive (r's) Army I read yesterday that there are shortages of fruit and veg in the UK because of bad weather in Spain and that doesn't surprise me.  They grow a l...

The walled town of Evora is steeped in history and the receptionist at our hotel presented us with a little map and carefully marked the Chapel of Bones and many other must-see wonders.  We sat outside and carefully studied this over a cold beer .....then threw it away and had another one. We had pizza for dinner which barely warrants a mention but the house wine......boy oh boy. It wasn't really a wine sort of place so we just ordered a glass of the 2 euro house red and were rewarded with two generously filled glasses.  They slipped down nicely so we ordered two more.  They had, at this point, run out of standard glasses so came back with goldfish bowls filled to a similar level.  We reckon each glass had about half a bottle in it.  How was the pizza? No idea.....can't remember! In a couple of years you will be able to drive from Evora to Badajoz (where we now are) on the motorway that th...

According to my Garmin I was running a 3500 calorie deficit after yesterday's ride.  After dinner that was down to 3250.  We had what some people call 'fine dining'.....there is nothing remotely fine about a miserable little bit of poached cod with a smear of mash and a doll's house carrot!  We made up for it at breakfast which had obviously been supervised by a different chef.  There were hot dead things, hash browns even baked beans (though they were obviously rubbish). Anyway, that's enough about food........for now.  The cretin at the BBC Weather centre had yet another off day, but this time in our favour.  The promised rain didn't come and the sun even broke through in the afternoon,  to the point that we had to have a cheeky cold one between checking and reaching our room. It was another glorious day on quiet smooth roads, through mile after mile of cork plantation.  A...

Imagine a nice comfortable well-paid job where nobody minds if you screw up every single day.  Sounds appealing? Just apply to the BBC Weather Department.  Don't worry if you don't know anything about analysing complex weather data....nor does the dick who prepared today's forecast for the Lisbon area. Never mind the sun having a big hat on, it wasn't even wearing a fascinator.  The promised day of unbroken sun and highs of 20 turned out to be cool and overcast.   We certainly won't get fooled by the BBC again! We are staying in a 5* resort hotel where cyclists are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit.  As we crossed the marble lobby we could see a look of revulsion spread across the receptionist's face.  I think he was hoping we had just come in to ask for directions and when I showed him a valid booking confirmation I thought he was going to cry. He quickly got a grip and ...

We ate at the Lenny last night.  The place was packed and the food took 40 minutes to arrive so our hopes of a gourmet experience weren't high.  We had ordered the mixed grill.....usually the cue for a large but badly cooked plate of poor quality meat.   Au contraire!  (last trip I threw in some Latin so maybe I'll go for a few French phrases this time).  Lenny's chef served us a really beautifully cooked plate of food.....possibly the best mixed grill I have ever had.  Breakfast was similarly superb and I now have the official 'benchmark' photo against which the next 14 breakfasts will be compared. The next pleasant surprise was Gatwick.  It took less than 15 minutes to get checked in, take the bikes to 'oversize' and breeze through security.  3 years after covid ruined everything international travel finally feels OK again! At the bag drop I discovered a worry...

It is a whole year since Neil and I last cycled together and things have changed….massively.   It turns out that Neil isn't gay after all.   Somehow, and I can scarcely believe it, he has found himself a girlfriend!!!   Unlike my wife who, after almost 40 years of marriage, is quietly thrilled at the prospect of a couple of fart-free weeks of peace and quiet, she would probably rather he stayed at home but….here we are snuggled up in the Lenny   Henry Inn, Gatwick North.     Instead of a stupidly early start from home tomorrow morning, we can gorge on the 'all you can eat' breakfast then stagger across the road into the zoo that is Easyjet bag drop.   I will photograph my breakfast and show the picture each morning to the hotel staff.   I will encourage them to compare the groaning plate of hot dead things with the stale pastry and little pot of thin jam that they have placed in front of me.   It is m...

  It WAS a long December, not helped by a week of covid confinement and sub-zero temperatures.   January always drags so there was no relief there.   It is now mid-February, it is still cold and I have had enough…..I'm going somewhere where the sun might shine. I'm taking Plum with me because….err….umm….actually I have no idea why but I always take him with me.   I'm thinking we should get a joint passport.     For various reasons we still aren't ready to return to long-haul BIG adventures but last February's little jaunt to Spain worked out quite well so we thought we might do something similar.   This time we are doing a 'coast to coats' across the Iberian Peninsula, starting in Lisbon and finishing in Valencia.   You will see from the map that we are taking a rather convoluted route and there are two reasons for this:   1/   For cycling gods like us Lisbon to Valencia isn't really far enough to fill two w...