Donald Where's Your Troosers?

By -


2 days to catch up on.  While the south of England is enjoying an Indian summer we have been 'enjoying' a Scottish winter. We are now working our way down the west coast, last night we were in Ullapool and tonight it is Gairloch.

The weather yesterday was pretty epic.  It rained solidly all day and by the afternoon the headwinds were back to 40 mph. At one point it briefly became a cross wind and I had to stop when a gust threatend to throw me in the verge.  I then discovered it was impossible to start again because, in the split second needed to put a foot on a pedal and generate some thrust, the wind would just try and dump me back on the verge.  Neil, who was ahead (as always) and sheltered by a house just watched and giggled.  Git.

Ullapool is NC500 central with badges and T-shirts for sale everywhere.  We have identified 3 particular species of NC500 follower:

1). Camper vans.  There are trillions of them.  When not clogging up the roads they sit in every car park and laybay while their owners make a cup of tea and read the paper.  I'm not sure that camper vans have doors as nobody ever seems to get out.

2). Motorcyclists.  Their objective seems to be to tick off the ride as quickly as possible, apart from when they congregate in laybys in their funny leather trousers to have a smoke and look hard.

3). Twats.  Otherwise know as sports car drivers who think that driving with the roof down in a pissing gale is pretty darned cool.  

Today, against all the odds, we stayed more or less dry and the wind was manageable.  In Scotland this is about as good as September gets but by every other standard it was a mediocre day.  In this part of the world there are few places to stop and most of those have given up and closed (not sure if that is due to the weather or the virus) so lunch is a snack eaten while sheltering under a tree or behind a barn.  This is real 'living the dream'......but only if your dream is to have a crap time.

Tonight's hotel required that we pre-order dinner a week ago (no idea) and Neil selected Haggis.  I have explained to him that in this weather they are unlikely to have caught any.

The song?  I expect you were expecting an hilarious anecdote about a lost pair of trousers?  The sad truth is that there is no connection to the song but you can't be in Scotland and not use Donald Where's Your Troosers. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll/Mr Tamborine Man/I Write The Songs

By -
Image
  After an 18 month separation Plum and I are reforming the band for another tour.  The two of us, plus 6 others, are heading up to Scotlandshire for another crack at the North Cost 500.  I should probably introduce the full line-up:   Lead Singer - David.  David is the young(er) pretty one.....brother of John.  David also happens to be my Financial Adviser and is funding this trip (plus a yacht and a cocaine habit) out of what he makes from my account.   Lead Guitar - Nick.  Friend for 50 years.  At school Nick was a keen cyclist and consequently, quite rightly, bullied.  Nick has forgotten more about cycling than I will ever know.   Bass Guitar - Stuart.  Stuart and I worked together for many years; he has powerful legs and can push out big watts while looking like he is coasting.  I hate Stuart.   Keyboards - Michael.  Michael is a...
Read more

If I Could Turn Back Time

By -
Image
If ever you are in the Inverness area on a Friday and looking for a lively night you could do a lot worse than avoid Muir of Ord.  Our hotel, the only pub, wasn't serving food so we walked into town where it appeared that Steven Spielberg had just finished filming some sort of post-apocalypse movie: nothing open, nobody on the streets and the odd bit of tumbleweed blowing along the pavement.  Even the fish and chip shop couldn't be arsed to open...on a FRIDAY NIGHT!  We managed to find a take-away offering a rather odd choice of kebabs and curries (served in pizza boxes for added novelty) and purchased some food which made up for in calories what it lacked in food-hygiene standards.   I recall a meeting where a few of my co-riders and I met to kick around ideas for a group ride.  We considered all sort of destinations....mostly in those parts of Europe where the weather isn't consistently shite.  I'm ashamed to say that I thin...
Read more

Julia's Song

By -
Image
As some readers will know, Plum is no longer Chard's most eligible bachelor.  The lovely Julia has taken on the job that Social Services would otherwise have to do....making sure he changes his pants once a week whether they need it or not and loading routes onto his Garmin.  We are all very grateful to Julia, especially Chards most eligible bachelorettes who can get back on the dating scene now Plum is safely off the market. As we were starting our trip Julia fell, dislocated her foot and broke her Tibia so she is probably missing Plum more than usual. She has insisted that the show should go on so thanks for being such a trooper. Today was another with a shortcut that promised to turn a very hard day into something more manageable.  Some of our group took the high road and others took the low but I had a more cunning idea.....get in the van.  Whatever is ailing me, long covid or acute spinelessness, reached the point where pushing th...
Read more