Lip Up Fatty

By -
So:

Regular blog:   70 to 80 hits per day
New super improved blog with cat pictures: 1, 376,972 hits.

My agent says that if I  can keep this up I should be a shoo-in for Strictly but I need to work on my back story which is, apparently, too 'ordinary'.  From now on I am self identifying as gender fluid and want to be known as Doris on alternate wednesdays.

Actually the cat blog got roughly the same hits as a regular none-cat one so that was a waste of time.  Also, no word from South Korea.  I'm thinking of giving up.  Those of you who just muttered "great!" can sod off.

My valentine's meal with Neil turned out to be a ready cooked chicken with sweetcorn and rice, followed by more ice cream than is medically recommended.  Fortunately my Garmin tells me I am burning an average of 4500 calories a day cycling so I can eat what I like.  Unfortunately my Garmin is wrong.  How can the cretins at Garmin create such useless software?

Today was a day off.  Or, rather, 52 miles with just the odd hill.  Naturally there was a head wind.  In fact, from now on assume there was a head wind and I'll tell you if there wasn't.  

We are now in Wanganui, in a spotless motel on the edge of town.  The only restaurant within walking distance looks like it closed down some time between the wars so tonight we will be having McDonalds.  Even using the Garmin calorie count I am going to be well in the red by bedtime!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll/Mr Tamborine Man/I Write The Songs

By -
Image
  After an 18 month separation Plum and I are reforming the band for another tour.  The two of us, plus 6 others, are heading up to Scotlandshire for another crack at the North Cost 500.  I should probably introduce the full line-up:   Lead Singer - David.  David is the young(er) pretty one.....brother of John.  David also happens to be my Financial Adviser and is funding this trip (plus a yacht and a cocaine habit) out of what he makes from my account.   Lead Guitar - Nick.  Friend for 50 years.  At school Nick was a keen cyclist and consequently, quite rightly, bullied.  Nick has forgotten more about cycling than I will ever know.   Bass Guitar - Stuart.  Stuart and I worked together for many years; he has powerful legs and can push out big watts while looking like he is coasting.  I hate Stuart.   Keyboards - Michael.  Michael is a...
Read more

If I Could Turn Back Time

By -
Image
If ever you are in the Inverness area on a Friday and looking for a lively night you could do a lot worse than avoid Muir of Ord.  Our hotel, the only pub, wasn't serving food so we walked into town where it appeared that Steven Spielberg had just finished filming some sort of post-apocalypse movie: nothing open, nobody on the streets and the odd bit of tumbleweed blowing along the pavement.  Even the fish and chip shop couldn't be arsed to open...on a FRIDAY NIGHT!  We managed to find a take-away offering a rather odd choice of kebabs and curries (served in pizza boxes for added novelty) and purchased some food which made up for in calories what it lacked in food-hygiene standards.   I recall a meeting where a few of my co-riders and I met to kick around ideas for a group ride.  We considered all sort of destinations....mostly in those parts of Europe where the weather isn't consistently shite.  I'm ashamed to say that I thin...
Read more

Julia's Song

By -
Image
As some readers will know, Plum is no longer Chard's most eligible bachelor.  The lovely Julia has taken on the job that Social Services would otherwise have to do....making sure he changes his pants once a week whether they need it or not and loading routes onto his Garmin.  We are all very grateful to Julia, especially Chards most eligible bachelorettes who can get back on the dating scene now Plum is safely off the market. As we were starting our trip Julia fell, dislocated her foot and broke her Tibia so she is probably missing Plum more than usual. She has insisted that the show should go on so thanks for being such a trooper. Today was another with a shortcut that promised to turn a very hard day into something more manageable.  Some of our group took the high road and others took the low but I had a more cunning idea.....get in the van.  Whatever is ailing me, long covid or acute spinelessness, reached the point where pushing th...
Read more