Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

Yesterday's score in the good versus evil wind match was: Heaven 0 - 63 Hell. It didn't seem to matter which way we turned the wind was always bang on our noses. Just for good measure our luck finally ran out and we got a good old soaking for the final hour and a half. We stayed in Chanute, KS whose claims to fame are: 1/ Octave Chanute claims to have been an aviation pioneer who provided the inspiration for the Wright brothers and 2/ If you load Google Earth from the USA and keep zooming in, you eventually find yourself looking at the intersection on Main Street Chanute where our hotel was located.  To celebrate this astonishing fact the town closed Main Street for 6 months to create the paved inlay shown above.  In the process the hotel almost went bust as nobody could get to it!!! By now you may be wondering how this connects to the song de jour and title photo.  It doesn't.  I am experimenting with what I believe is called 'clickbait'...

This is my second time cycling across Kansas and I can now confirm that the ONLY thing that matters in Kansas is the wind direction.  Wind strength is a given.....it always blows here......but the direction makes the difference between heaven and hell.  Today we had 50 miles of hell and 24 of heaven.  By Kansas standards it was a lumpy day with 1000 feet of climb, but by every other standard it was another flat day thrashing away into a headwind that varied between annoying and bloody horrid.  After leaving Newton I think it is fairy to say that significantly more than half the buildings we passed were churches.  Sodding great big churches in the middle of nowhere.  I have no idea whether anyone attends to worship buy if they do they have a fair old drive and plenty of choice once they get there.  The most popular flavour of Christianity here seems to be Mennonite......I must confess that I thought that was the stuff that Superman was af...

One Today is over.  It was a tough day, starting with a 20 mile slog into a huge headwind, before we eventually turned east.  The remaining 84 were still tough with temperatures that nudged 40 degrees and loooong flat roads. Two The day required a detour round some roadworks and a bit of creative navigation.  We managed this with no ill effects but the 'fast' group ended up doing quite a few bonus miles on dirt roads.  Snigger. Three After a 2 week battle with Hertz I finally made myself such a nuisance that the Executive Assitant to the CEO called me and agreed to pay me $150 compensation for leaving me at the curbside with no rental car.  Those that know me well will know that Hertz never stood a chance once I got the bit between my teeth. Bonus Track: Gasoline Alley It seems that every farmer in Kansas has a nice little sideline pumping oil.  Almost every field has a nodding donkey and a storage tank.  I can't help wond...

The Boot Hill museum was OK. The entry fee was modest and there was a replica of the old main street with functiong stores and saloon and some information about how the town became so notorious in the late 1800's.  We had a beer in the saloon and mooched around the exhibits for an hour and can now tick that one off the list. The next morning I assembled everyone in the car park to deliver the line I have been practicing for weeks......."Right, let's get the hell out of Dodge!".  Outside of the city centre it seems that Dodge is still heavily involved in the business of receiving young cows from the surrounding ranches and intensively feeding them ready for market.  These feed stations are huge and ugly, with several thousand cows being fed in muddy pens.  The similarities to our Chinese Buffet last night did not escape me! Kanasas is flat.  To illustrate just how flat it is:  on a typical day we climb 2000-3000 feet over about 70 m...

Yes, I know I haven't blogged for some time! I have even received a sarcastic email asking whether I have fallen off and broken my fingers!! There are many reasons.....including a lack of time and a lack of inclination  Mostly the 2nd one if I am honest.  Many of my choicest anecdotes would require the mention of customers and for ethical reasons this is not possible......what is left is a bit dry and I have been suffering from writer's block. So, several days to bring you up to date: Castles In The Air After leaving Fairplay we were looking forward  to a final plunge out of the mountains and there were certainly some qood long downhill sections... but there were also an annoying number of short ups.  The day was suprisingly hard work.  Our destination was Canon City....if any of you have watched The Man In The High Castle it is the city that the heroine is heading to in the first episode.  Time for a rest day. Anything by ...

Kremmling may have a big airport but people don't fly in for the night life I'm guessing.  There seemed to be just 2 places to eat and between the group we tried both.  One of our group was celebrating his 74th birthday (that is NOT a type.....he is SEVENTY FOUR) but Kremmling isn't the place for a knees up. In a noble effort to improve his diet, Neil ordered a side of green beans.......'Ah yes sir, the local speciality....deep fried green beans'! Today was a cracking ride.  A 67 mile climb but with a fantastic intermission on a superb cycle path through the poncy ski resort towns of Silverthorne, Frisco and Breckenridge.  The last 5 or 6 miles of the climb were pretty stiff but we have now 'topped out' in the Rockies and have several days with more down than up to look forward too. We are overnighting in Fairplay, a smaller and slightly less poncy ski resort. Bonus Track: Buffalo Stance At last we have seen some Bison...

Another 3 days to catch up on as we head south west through the Rockie Mountains. From Medicine Bow we did a short but lumpy 58 to Saratoga - another 1 horse town but with a thermal spring as the main (only) attraction.  For reasons we can only guess at the town has a sodding great airport with lots of smart business jets.  While in town I took a bath in the horse trough and ended up spending the night in jail. For our next delight we rode to Walden, Colorado.  Our joy in crossing another state line was significantly blunted by the fact that virtually every one of the 67 miles was uphill and we had fair old headwind.  To make matters worse we experienced our first rain of the trip, with accomapmyimg low temperatures.  For me it was probably the hardest day yet (at 6' 4" I am really not optimised for headwinds!).  The high point of a pretty low day was seeing Bald Eagles sitting on telegraph poles along the sides of the road. ...

It was Plum's 60th birthday yesterday......so I made him ride 120 miles.  He swears that 2 miles per year of age is not going to happen ever again.  We also took him out for birthday food and beers.......It was happy hour and pitchers (4 pints) were $4.20!!!  To make matters even better (worse?) they treated the birthday boy to a free one.  Love Hertz Not! It is a while since my last confession and much had happened.   After our rest day we faced two extremely uneven days thanks to a problem with a hotel that let us down.  The days should have been 45 miles then 100 but the closed hotel meant we were looking at 25 then 120.  For some this was a step too far and the cunning plan was let them ride the 45 then pick up a Hertz rental car to bus them back to the hotel, then forward again the next morning.  Complicated but workable.....until we arrive at the Hertz depot (the only rental firm in town) to find a sign saying it clo...

Telephone Man Yesterday we rode from Dubois to Lander - 75 miles of fairly flat going.  The scenery slowly changed from terrific to OK and the thermometer peaked at 40 degrees.  So far we have been impressed with Wyoming apart from the almost laughable lack of a phone signal.   We have had no signal for a day and a half, despite now being in a town of 7000 people, and we are told it may be 2 more days before we get a signal, even though we will pass through a town of 10000 people.. this is a bit shite.  Maybe Donald should divert a few dollars from the wall to put up some phone masts. The Eton Rifles Everyone is aware of the whole 'right to bear arms' thing in America, but as a visitor to Wyoming, it starts to become clear just what a huge issue it is.  Yesterday we stopped in a small gas station in the middle of nowhere.  It sold beefy jerky, nachos.....and guns.  I looked it up on t'interweb and Wyoming is one of...

My riding companions are all cheats.  They have trained for this (the very worst sort of  cheating) and tuned their bodies to remove all traces of surplus fat.  I, on the other hand, have prepared 'old school' with an occasional Sunday ride and a beer and meat pie diet.  These differences in preparation are particularly noticeable on the big climbs.  Today was the biggest climb yet at 18 miles so desperate measures were called for. We were due to top out at over 9500 feet and I spotted an opportunity.  The air is pretty thin at these altitudes and shortage of breath starts to become a serious consideraration.  So I have invented a beathing apparatus which you can see me modelling above.  As soon as I start breathing more heavily I pop the oxygen cylinders up my nose and I get an immediate performance boost.  This is no more cheating than all that exercise and dieting that the others have done. We may have left the splendour of...

Against all the odds we have free internet here in Grand Teton National Park.  Yesterday we headed into Yellowstone (and Wyoming by the way) and parted with $20 each for the privilege.  I have no beef with the price BUT the 4.6 litre long wheel base support van was only $35.  This says something about the Merican attitude to cyclists and motor vehicles. I wasn't sure what to expect in the park but: 1/ the traffic, especially the huge RVs, are a f@#$$ng nuisance. 2/ the scenery is STUNNING I was particularly surprised by all the geo-thermal stuff and doubt that the photos will do it justice. Last night we stayed in Grant's Village - a government run lodge in the middle of nowhere.  The rooms were smart but compact and the prices were staggering.....£250 per room!!!! Today we had another 20 miles to the southern exit to the park then passed into Grand Teton Park, which is free.  The scenery is still majestic, w...