Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

Squeeze. When I told people I had been called for jury service several people told me it might be interesting. They were wrong. Last week I managed to sit on two trials, with a total time actually doing anything of just15 hours. This week it is already mid-Wednesday and I have done precisely bugger all.     ‎I am now an expert on Homes Under The Attic and Cash In The Hammer but I AM SO BORED.   Still, at least I got to help ensure justice was served on two cases eh? The first was a benefit fraud case where the defendant had allegedly obtained £2500 by claiming her partner didn't live with her.....pretty serious stuff!!!! So serious that the prosecution couldn't be bothered to assemble a credible case. It is a measure of how pathetic their case was that all 12 of us were ready to aquit the defendant BEFORE the defence case was even heard.   ‎The second case was even more serious - the purchase of a stolen playstation for fifty quid. Apparently it costs about £6000/day...

Basildon Crown Court is a stone's throw from the town's shopping precinct. If you need any proof of this fact I would point you to the broken windows in the abandoned  flats over the shops. Despite having lived just 10 miles away for almost 20 years, my previous visits to the area have been confined to 'Bas Vegas', the out of town complex of nightclubs, cinemas and restaurants.  Although far from classy, Bas Vegas is busy and 'on the up'. The same cannot be said for the shopping precinct. I am not sure what look look the architect was striving for but if it was 'post-apocalyptic wilderness' then he pretty much nailed it! Within a 100 yard stretch of prime precinct real estate Basildon boasts no fewer than 5 pawnbrokers/payday lenders/cheque cashers and the following classy retailers: Poundland Poundparty 99p Land 99p Store TotalShiteForAQuidLand Depressingly only the last one is made up. Clearly the canny Basildonian likes a bargain and I suppose when mo...

‎Lots of songs with this title.  I know this blog is supposed to be about my cycling experiences but I have a spleen to vent and no other forum! Today I started my civic punishment/duty......jury service. I am, naturally, forbidden to make any reference to any case but, as luck would have it, this isn't a problem because thus far all that this particular 12 good men and true (actually there are 50 or so sitting waiting) have done is sit around watching Homes Under The Hammer.   I believe that, despite the long list of things that could put me in contempt of court (and therefore in prison), I am still free to comment in general terms on the jury service experience.   I appreciate that the complexities of the legal process make it difficult to predict exactly how many jurors will be needed and when but, as at midday not, a single person has been called to serve on any jury. It seems that, even if anyone ever gets around to trying anyone, the court only sits from 10 to 4:30....

It is now Saturday and the trip is at an end. Customers have been despatched (or have they been dispatched? Never sure which is which) to shops, hotels or airports and the dynamic duo are wasting time in San Diego before the flight home. I have promised Geoff that he can go to Hooters this afternoon - I thought I had better submit this entry now to avoid the temptation of including the photos! This was my second longest ride at 1650 miles and pretty fantastic miles they were too. Apart from one day of rain we had generally good to superb weather, very few headwinds, and probably almost 20 days of clear blue skies. Thanks to the exercise I think I have managed negate the calorie intake but the same cannot be said for Geoff who is taking home a pretty large memento from the trip - about a stone of lard. He says it will all go before next summer but we will see. If next year's PCH trip runs he will do the sweep riding so he better sign up with weightwatchers.   Sent from my BlackBerry...

‎Forgive me father for it is 3 days since my last confession.  I n summary.....southern California.   After a magnificent steak in Solvang (Geoff went for the 18oz which was even more magnificent) ‎we headed back to the coast over a sodding great hill in the blistering heat to arrive at Santa Barbara which, in my book, is the start of SoCal This part of the trip is all about a very different typ‎e of Merica with astonishing wealth, cheek by jowl with countless homeless people. We have ridden the beach paths through Santa Barbara and past LA, passed the Malibu mansions and crossed Orange County (the OC) where, in one town there were car dealerships for: McClaren, Ferrari, Maserati, Bentley and TWO for Porche. We are now in San Clemente and just a day away from the Mexican border. Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

‎Last night I disgraced myself. We went to a Western themed restaurant and I was guilty of 'eyes bigger than stomach' syndrome. In my defence I wasn't really expecting the complimentary beef stew starter (a meal in itself) or the complimentary salad (another me ‎al) or the fact that the ribs were not from a pig as promised but from a woolly mammoth. I left more than I ate :-(. American Pie I would like to introduce you to the most advanced sports food on the planet - the Little Debbie's 'fruit' pie (don't worry - no fruit is harmed in the making of   little beauties!). They come in red, green and yellow (these colours have fruits associated with them but, again, I'm pretty sure there is absolutely no fruit involved - the 'fruit' filling is basically just a sort of lube to assist with swallowing). For $1.29 you get a pie about the size of a pack of cards that contains.......420 calories. Two of these and a bucket of Coke and you have a whole day...

When I checked the forecast this morning for San Simeon (our hotel on the coast) it said highs of 25c.‎ I then checked the forecast for San Luis Obisbo (our lunch stop but 10 miles inland) it said highs of 38c. Surely a mistake  ‎I thought. Actually NO. As you head inland the temperature rises by about 1 degree C per mile.   In the morning we passed through a Halloween scarecrow competition but the rest of the day was unexciting after yesterday's thrills, just scrub and a searing sun.   Today was a peasy 57 miles and we were all done by 2pm, time to laze in the sun and talk bollocks.  ‎We are in Arrayo Grande, a couple of hundred miles north of LA. Tonight we are heading to a 'western style' restaurant. So basically hot dead cow. Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

‎Although this is my first time riding the whole route I have ridden the stretch from SF before, with Nobby some 7 years ago. On that ride the Big Sur stretch was a bit of a trial - thanks to a cock-up on the daily mileage estimate a day that should have been a testing 110 miles ended up as a ball-breaking 130.   So today's 94 miles should have been a walk in the park......but it wasn't. It was hilly (as in chuffing) and hot (90's)‎. Having said this.........I was magnificent. Actually I was just adequate but that IS pretty magnificent these days. We were all done by 3:45 and never has a jump in the pool and a cold beer been more welcome. Big Sur IS stunning! If you don't have a Mustang then a bike is a pretty cool second choice if transport. Off to find a head-sized steak now. Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

A bit of an odd day today.....our first for some time without any encounter with the emergency services. We had a laughably short day because of a problem with availability of our target hotel. On this bit of coast (Big Sur) accommodation at sensible prices is hard to find so we have had to stop short by 25 miles. This gave us less than 30 today but will require, gulp, 94 tomorrow. To make matters worse they will be hilly. Bigger gulp. We left Marina for the short cycle path ride to Monteray where we wasted time on the wharf watching sea lions and pelicants before riding '17 Mile Drive' to Carel. This scenic route follows the headland from Monteray to Carmel past Pebble Beach golf course and some of the most gob-smacking real estate you could imagine. 'That's a big hotel' said one of the group. 'Yes it is' I replied, 'but it is actually a p‎rivate house'.   With the combination of perfect weather, spectacular views and outrageous wealth it is one of ...

Today' PS - don't worry, nothing is on fire! We popped down to the beach to watch the whales and dolphins (of which there were lots) - not photos of them but a few more 'general smugness' shots. Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the EE network.

‎....or the continuing adventures with Merica's Emergency Services. Fire It seems that the hotel was not actually on fire. I hope you will understand and forgive my false assumption when I tell you that, as we sat on our balcony, there arrived not one but TWO fire engines, an ambulance and the Sheriff. So what ‎triggered the arrival of every vehicle equipped with flashing lights in a 50 mile radius? Unexploded bomb? Nope. Terrorist cell? Not even close. A bloke who had cycled to the bar had fallen off in the car park. He didn't actually even appear hurt but, having turned out, every bloke in a uniform want‎ed a crack at him and he was taken off on a trolley under protest. The Bike Song Today is national Ride To Work day in Merica. Well, all except one old (and possibly pissed) old lady for whom it was Try And Kill A Cyclist day. She swerved across the road a couple of times before clipping one our riders and knocking her off. Here we go again.....Hello 911?.....yes it is me aga...

Brief PS on today........the hotel is on fire

‎Where was I? Ah yes, having cancelled International Rescue we had a jolly evening in a bar/restaurant overlooking the ocean, laughing about how we had spent 3+ hours thinking one of our riders was dead and nearly launched a 25000 dollars/hour search helicopter. Next day was the‎ longest of the trip with lots of hills. Thanks to a return up the biggest of these looking for someone who had, in fact, gone shopping I finished on a magnificent 92 miles and 8000 feet of climb. I was f@?'/d! ‎We spent the evening just north of the Golden Gate Bridge and had a pretty passable Indian for tea. As with all Indian meals it ended up costing 50% more than expected - exacerbated by the whole tax, tip, tax on tip nonsense. Tuesday was ride into 'Frisco day and everyone enjoyed it - everyone except the rider with Fanta pee who, after a 2nd visit to ER and intra-venous ‎anti-biotics conceded that he wasn't a well man and headed home. We also said a scheduled goodbye to 'Pierre' who ...