Grumpy Old Men On Bikes

I know I said no more blogs but I had been hoping to provide a photo of LM2 in the ditch that was taken by one of the guests and I finally got it this morning.  I think you will agree that it was reasonably well buried? In the event that anyone from Avis is reading this then tee hee....you checked it when I handed it back and were happy! By the way, I have discovered Amazon's search for music by keyword feature.  I could have used: Ditch Deep in the Ditch Between the Ditches Hell's Ditch Ditch Rider and many many more.  My song is better!

I know I said two more blogs but there was no smelly the first night and things got a bit hectic after that.  So another smorgasbord of songs for the final entry: Lip Up Fatty On Wednesday evening we were staying in a very nice hotel but dining opportunities were rather limited.  The 'best' option was a nearby place called Sizzlers.  This is not a chain I have come across before but it is a kind of restaurant/fast food hybrid.  On your way in you order an 'entre' (main course in English) then help yourself to appetisers while they bring it (note I said bring it NOT cook it).  Then you help yourself to dessert.  So for $12.99 I got enough chowder, chicken wings and chili to feed an army, then a large portion of cheese and bacon covered chicken (actually runny pale yellow stuff and incinerated bacon flavoured parchment but that is the 'Merican way) and two very large bowls of ice-cream with caramel sauce.  That's 8 quid in old money!...

There are just too many songs to use just one or two so a whole album of monster tunes: I Fought The Law Apart from being located right next to Highway 101 our RV Park distinguished itself by having the longest and most vigorously enforced set of rules we have ever seen.  NO PIT BULLS...fair enough.  NO MOVING OF THE FIRE PIT....OK I suppose so.  LAWN SPRINKLERS MAY BE TURNED ON AT ANY TIME......oh come on!!!  And so it went on.  You have never seen a more law abiding group of campers yet a 300lb gorilla in a shirt emblazoned with SECURITY made sure we didn't take the piss. The road was really very loud indeed.  We all used ear plugs but it was still a noisy night. Car Wash/Isn't She Lovely I must soon say goodbye to LM2.  Just writing this makes me well up and I don't know what I will do without her but I couldn't let her go to a new man in her current state.  $13 and two Mexicans later she is absolutely spotless, with hoovered car...

Blogs are just like buses....none for ages then 3 come along all at once! We all know that Mericans like to be biggest and best, though often they focus rather too much on the BIGGEST part.  This is understandable in a world where big and good are effectively the same word.  However, there is one nitch (oops....niche) where the Yanks have really got it sorted. The motor home.  Actually they call them RVs and this helpfully puts some distance between them and the pathetic converted Transits that we know as motor home's.  Here is a reasonably typical example of the breed: If you were taking 40 cubs to the zoo you would hire something MUCH smaller!  These things are chuffing huge and with more technology than Wallace's trousers.  Not only do the sides slide out (cue Thunderbirds music) but there are powered trays underneath that deploy all sorts of recreational accessories.  I saw one that produced a 40 inch plasma TV so you could watch it al fres...

Tuesday. After almost 4 weeks on the road it doesn't take much to get me excited! Today's BIG thrill was a spell on Highway 246. This is a detour from the route in order to get to Solvang where, unlike en route, hotels can be had for less than $400/night. Solvang is a VERY weird place. Originally founded by Danes and, even now, more Danish than a bacon roll. Most of the town appears new but all built to look like the streets of Copenhagen (the 'wonderful wonderful' song was rejected as far too obvious a title......or maybe I only just thought of it). We had dinner in Andersen's restaurant where the big attraction is pea soup (no, really!). After a big bowl each our tents were fully air-conditioned......though there may have been a dead mouse somewhere in the a/c unit! Thanks to the detour we have been inland all day with (even) higher temperatures and a change of scenery. We have had big hills to our right all day but sadly tomorrow we must cross t...

But most emphatically NOT the deputy! Mericans have a bewildering variety of coppers - the federal police obviously - but then State police, who mostly seem to patrol the motorways, as well as local police within the town or township. Then there are the Sheriff's departments. These seem to operate at town and county level and it is extremely unclear how their powers integrate with all the other forces. Bizarrely the position of Sheriff seems to be political not judicial so you can find yourself Sheriff with absolutely no experience of beating prisoners or accepting bribes. I find the whole idea of Sheriffs very pleasing and feel sure we will arrive in town one night and have a badge pinned on us and be asked to run the men in black hats out of the saloon. This is the belated blog for Sunday (yes I know it is now Tuesday!). Another day of great riding and great weather and we spent the night in Oceano - a seaside resort close to Santa Maria (where Michael Jackson em...

Or indeed anywhere on the west coast as far as we can tell. We entered our fourth week with absolutely perfect weather - clear skies, temperatures in the low 70's and a gentle breeze to keep things comfortable. We enjoyed another 40 miles of classic 'Big Sur' country with loads more Mustangs as well as the odd Corvette for good measure and we are starting to see plenty of 'premium' European cars too. Once we get to Malibu every third veeeeehicle will be a Ferarri or a Lambo. We are now in San Simeon - home to Hearst Castle. William Randolph Hearst was a mega-rich industrialist and chum of the Vanderbilts and Rockerfellas, though you may know of him thanks to his granddaughter .....Patty Hearst! Anyway, to show everyone how impressively minted he was he commission a 'castle'. The design approach appears to have been to use money and taste in inverse proportions resulting in something that even Walt Disney would be envious of. We saw it distantly from...

Many years ago Hertz kindly upgraded my rental car to a Ford Mustang. These classic Merican 'muscle' cars are consistently damned by Top Gear and for good reason. Apart from being badly made and handling like a stuck pig it's only party trick was an ability to spin the rear wheels furiously in any gear at any speed and without a breath of warning. In dry weather this could be passably exhilarating; in the rain it was pant foulingly terrifying! Why, I wondered, would anyone ever consider buying or renting such a thing? The answer, I now realise, is to drive the 100 or so miles of Highway 1 in the region of Big Sur. This stretch of coast it the most stunning, spectacular and photogenic of the entire trip and just made for cruising in a drop-top Mustang.  The rental companies must buy them in the thousands because if I had a dollar for every Mustang I saw today I would nearly have enough money for the tips involved in checking in to an up-market New York hotel (in ...

Blog for Thursday - hopefully that is all days accounted for! It was a very short day - just 46 miles - and totally different to everything so far in that: 1/ the sun didn't come out....well not until lunchtime and 2/ the scenery has completely changed. Today we had endless fields of salad crops or strawberries with hundreds of dagoes (I believe Latin Americans may be a little more PC) toiling in the fields. The temperature was around 70 yet they mostly had sweatshirts and hoods and even the odd thick coat. One or two of them may even have had a work permit! What does all this have to do with the song de jour? Absolutely nothing! This, however, does: For some time I have been building a mental list of the wildlife that we have encountered and it surprisingly long list: Whales - we ae now pretty certain they were whales not minkies Elk - lots of deer but some proper Elk too Seals Sea lions - at least they looked like seal lions though they were not balancing ...

Another slow news day but this is something I have been meaning to write about.  Since we arrived we have seen many signs that the threat from Tsunami's is in the consciousness of west coast Mericans.  Wherever we go we see details of the Tsunami evacuation plan, shelters, alert practises etc.  Naturally we are aware that there is a threat but had no idea that the profile of this threat was so high. Today, as we were leaving SF, things went to Defcon 11.  A full Tsunami alert drill.  Sirens sounded throughout the bay area and, as we cycled out of town, we saw helicopters in the skies, marine hovercraft on the beach and an aircraft carrier out in the Bay.  They take the BIG wave pretty seriously here. Even the mayor came! Other than that the big news is that the weather has changed - the wind is now blowing strongly from the south and there are cloudy skies and lower temperatures.  Bugger.  The riders put it a bit more strongly! ...

Tuesday 2nd Oct.  Today Joseph arrived in Bethlehem and the innkeeper said there was no room at the inn. Translation: Today Steve arrived in San Francisco and Mr Patel said 'yes, I see you have reservations for 11 rooms but I only have 8 rooms to give you'.  Bugger.  To make matters worse, it is the world Oracle conference in San Francisco and hotel rooms are rarer than hens teeth.  Buggery buggering bugger. After a frank exchange of views with Mr Patel (known in England as 'An Argument') he came up with a ninth room thus slightly reducing the gap and, at vast expense, two rooms were found elsewhere so the crisis was averted. Mr Patel's hotel proved to be reasonably comfortable, though the lobby and hallways were probably striving for shabby chic they mostly just managed shabby. Alan and I washed our bodies, our clothes, our shoes and anything else that looked like it could be washed, reducing the bath to the sort of thing that might have been ...

Phew what a scorcher.  Our route (by the way please hear this word as Rowt in all entries) briefly left the ocean and the temperature on LM2's thermometerisation module read 98 degrees F.  To verify this I stuck my head out of the window....yup, chuffing hot. Not only is the weather spiffy but the scenery went up to 11 (I love Spinal Tap).  The ride from Fort Ross to Bodega Bay is probably the best so far: We are now in Stinson Beach a seaside resort 20 miles north of SF where, with the unseasonal weather (today was the hottest day in SF since May) the place is thronging with lithe bikini clad girls. ............... ........where was I?  Our campground is a little out of town and is accessed via a single lane switchback down a ravine to a promontory.  The sheer drops made everyone pay careful attention but the views from the campsite made the risks worthwhile.  Unfortunately the road stops about 200yards from out pitch so we used the campground whee...

Sorry for the radio silence.....lack of interweb/commitment!  This is the blog for Sunday, riding from Fort Bragg to Fort Ross.  There are lots of Fort places on the route, mostly a hangover from the pioneering days when the routes to the west coast were first opened and usually not a whiff of fort in sight.  In Fort Ross, however, there is a pathetic modern replica which, presumably, Merican tourists are happy to haul their colossal butts round.  But I digress. The California way of life and general climate is pretty nice so I started thinking how I could relocate here permanently.  Naturally I would need a job but nothing too stressful, and preferably something that would allow me to enjoy the whole hippy pot smoking vibe.  So this is what I have come up with: Basically it is gardening........but while high on weed!!  So far I haven't had any responses, which is a bit disappointing, but I'm pretty sure the orders will come rolling in once pe...